So this past weekend, Dylans first Halloween weekend, Jon decides that he is going to get sick. Maybe the sickest he's been in a long long time. At first, I can't help but to be annoyed with him. I know in my rational mind that he has no control over when he is going to get sick, nor would he choose to do so on our babies first halloween - never the less, I found myself irritated with the man. It didn't help matters that when he is sick, he is as irritable as any woman in the prime of her PMS state. So the first night, I send him to bed early, dump Nyquil down his throat and cross my fingers that its allergies or that he is all better by the morning. We after have a big weekend planned of hayrides, pumpkin patches & 7 year olds halloween bashes.
This one of those moments when you realize that an aspect of your "Pre- Baby" marriage and our "Post Baby" marriage has changed. There have been many of these moments since Dylan arrived and this is just another one, of course its only an observation. Nothing detremental to our relationship or future, just something you notice.
When I first realized he was sick my immediate thought was "he needs to go stay somewhere else, the baby can't get sick and lord knows I can't Be sick taking care of TWO sick babies... no no no no... he needs to go to Nana's for a few days." This opposed to my previous thinking that him being sick is the perfect opportunity for me to show my husband what a great wife I am and nurse my love back to health.
Meanwhile I am also thinking, my how so much can change in such a short amount of time. It was just two Halloween's ago we were hosting a fun Halloween bash at our house... the year before I was bar hopping as a Miller Lite girl. Now my Halloween is ruined because we can't go on a family hayride.
Long story short, we did not make any fall festivals, Dylan and I went to our halloween party solo and trick or treated to Nana's with my nephews instead of my husband. That night I got home and realized how much had changed in my mindset as a mom now. I had banised Jon to one single room, he was not allowed to touch the baby and I Lysolled behind every step he took. I walked through the door, with the cutest little pumpkin you'd ever seen and looked at Jon sitting on the couch, pitiful as ever and clearly bummed he had missed out on the plans.
When another moment of clarity hit me, I had neglected my husband and opted to totally focus on the baby instead. Which at first seemed to be the obvious choice, but now looking at him I realized it was not the best one I could have made. As a mother & wife, I had lost the balance and went totally to the mother side forgetting that I am a wife too. So I put the baby in his walker, went to the store, stocked up on 10 different medicines & vitamins, picked up his favorite dinner & also some candy to cheer him up (as this is what Nana used to do when he was sick in her care.) For the next two days I found my balance again. Bringing him his medicine, making sure he drank his juice - all the while still Lysolling and keeping the baby at a safe distance. In less than 24hours he was healed - all better. I think it wasn't as much the nose spray, theraflu, zinc or the tissues, as it was I was paying attention to him again... giving him the TLC that he needed to heal ;)
Life is a series of trial and error. Admitting when you are wrong, correcting your mistake and learning for the future. I have learned from this past weekend that it can't be all about being a mom and thats it - I think that line of thinking puts you in the danger zone a bit. You have to balance being a wife, friend, sister, daughter.... yourself... all of these things. I also realized that being a mother is just part of raising a child and having a family, its a partnership - you have to remember that your husband is your partner. That we still must take care of each other and put each other first, even though we went from married to married with child - we are still each others' priority. Its easy to say, not so easy to practice.
While we missed all the plans we had made for the perfect first halloween, it ended up being an important milestone for me. It also was a great reminder that plans can change and its ok, and that I probably could stand to lighten up a little bit when it comes to keeping germs away. The kid is going to be sick... I just need to have a healthy daddy to help take care of him. Otherwise I'll be taking care of two sick babies and just might have to send myself to Nana's for a few days.
And still, he mustered up enough strength to put on a thrown together hippie wig for a photo opp with the family. I'm a lucky girl...
