If I'm going to write a blog about motherhood, the only and best place to start is at the beginnging. And of course the beginning of becoming a new mom is the pregnancy experience. Let me start by saying the one thing I know for certain - no two pregnancies are the same. My experience differs greatly when I compare notes with other moms, but thats not to say that my pregnancy was abnormal. All pregnancies have similarities and differences from one woman to another, so as you read my experience keep in mind this is not necessarily the way it will be for you. You just may be able to relate a little bit to some things and hopefully take away some advice that I think applies universally to all pregnant women.
At the time that I got pregnant I was thrilled to discover that 3 of my good friends, one of which was my best friend (my sister), were all pregnant at the same time as me. We were all due within two months of each other and it was a huge comfort to know I had partners in this journey. Because I learned very quickly that the only people who understand you when you are pregnant, are those who are pregnant. Even women who had just recently had a baby didn't seem to fully remember being pregnant, which I now understand, but at the time it was a source of complete frustration.
I began to realize as I got further into my pregnancy that yes, there were certainly joys that come along with being pregnant, but the image of pregnancy being this constant state of joy that the varsity moms expressed was not so. Thank God I had other women going through the same stages as me to swap stories with or I probably would have begun my journey thinking I was already the worst mom alive. Moral of this story if you are going through your pregnancy solo: after you have the baby you almost immediately forget every second of being pregnant that sucks. Its true, I think its natures way of making sure we procreate. Because if we vividly remembered what it was like to be pregnant I am not so sure that most of us would ever do it more than once. So don't feel bad abour yourself as a mother if you don't feel that glowingly about the entire thing. Its normal, even if no one admits it or they just completely blocked it out. That and, you'll hear it over and over from moms around you but its true... in the end its worth every second.
About 2 weeks away from my due date, knowing all to well that as soon as I had the baby I would forget, I made this list:
"Things that suck about being pregnant"
- The in-between big belly and no belly struggle to find clothes (this struggle does not go away anytime soon)
- People in public staring at you
- Strangers thinking they can strike up conversation with you - just because you are pregnant- Strangers thinking they have every right to reach out and touch your stomach
- Always dropping food on your stomach/clothes- Can't get comfortable, anywhere
- Can't sleep... because you can't get comfortable and because you have to pee 30 times in one night
- Can't drink
- Can't have sushi- Can't have cold cuts
- Can't go out with friends
- Can't Can't Can't Can't!!
Now reading this its a pretty amusing, my personal favorite "dropping food on you every time you eat" . I mean think about how far you have to sit away from your food when your belly sticks out two feet! But I vividly remember not being even slightly amused at the time of writing this. I was totally ready for it to be OVER!
Whats funny is that now, I completely relate to those women who were overjoyed and even jealous to hear I was pregnant. I could not understand what those crazy women were thinking to be jealous, I mean I made a list of all the ways pregnancy sucked! What was wrong with those crazy ladies.... well now I know.
It really is no comfort to hear it while you are pregnant, especially for the first time, but it truly is worth every second. Now, that I have Dylan, I look back on all the little moments I missed because I was mostly focusing on all the can'ts. But thinking back to first finding out I was pregnant (a story in itself), to the first doctors appointment, finding out we were having a boy, the 3D sonogram, decorating the nursery, feeling the first hiccup, the first kick... all the way to the night I went into labor. I wish now that I had slowed down and focused on those moments. I can't really feel guilty about it, I had no idea what I was in for. It was impossible for me to have any perspective because you truly cannot mentally prepare yourself for the happiness that follows pregnancy. The complete joy of finding an elevated level of love you never knew existed. There is no way I can put it into words for you. But if you've been there you know and if your on your way you'll find out.
So in my next pregnancy I know that I will embrace all the can'ts... because I know whats to come. And if you are pregnant now reading this take my advice and embrace the can'ts. Embrace the mood swings, the fear, the fat belly, the stretch marks, the pee trips, the terrible clothes, embrace it all... because although its no comfort to you now, all I can say is the same thing all those crazy women before me did which is... in the end its worth every second.