I can't eat without him wanting every other bite of whatever it is that I am having. I can't leave the room without a shrill of a cry. He wants me to hold him, but be able to crawl and play simultaneously. I was gone all weekend and for the first time, didn't feel overwhelming guilt. Maybe I knew I needed it, but being home today was like a crash reminder.
Boy do I love my boy. He smiles & the world around me melts. Words, or what could be actual words, come out of his mouth and its like wind chimes. He is a magnificent being, he is an angel. But he is also a one year old baby and babies are particular, don't understand most of what you want them to & are tiny little tornadoes of toes, mis matched socks & baby spoons. Everything is new to him. Everything is sparkley.... I can see in his eyes that he must touch & experience every single paperclip & button. Every waking moment is exploring, and exploring fast. Quickly from one treasure to the other... and when he finds a good one he'll hold it up to me with such happiness & pride. But most of the time his greatest treasure is my cell phone (which, come on, I have enough trouble keeping up with) or the remote to the TV (we are down to only one for the whole house)....
Today in the span of one hour, I missed my trainer appt because of a car seat miscommunication, Dylan found a new button that turns mommys computer totally off.... even with unsaved items still up...., the boxer peed on the carpet & jumped in the pool upon punishment to the backyard... and I remembered at 4:30 that I hadn't eaten all day. The meaning of mommy caught up with me fast this afternoon.
Luckily, I had a date night planned with some amazing girlfriends. Dinner... great booked turned great movie... 3 glasses of wine... 2 more when i got home... although its 1am.. and I will be very tired when my 6am baby alarm goes off... I needed a break, even after a break. Guess I needed a break more after I had a break than before I had a break. Not sure it guilt, rest or a combo of both made today especially trying... but here I am at the end of it all... and all I can think about is that I can't wait to see my baby tomorrow. I can't wait to play & be less stressed tomorrow. He's going to be the best part of my day & I already know that and miss him.
But... at the thought of tomorrow...and how fun it will surely be.... I better call it a night. Good night moon.
