Day after Mothers Day....

I can't eat without him wanting every other bite of whatever it is that I am having. I can't leave the room without a shrill of a cry. He wants me to hold him, but be able to crawl and play simultaneously. I was gone all weekend and for the first time, didn't feel overwhelming guilt. Maybe I knew I needed it, but being home today was like a crash reminder.

Boy do I love my boy. He smiles & the world around me melts. Words, or what could be actual words, come out of his mouth and its like wind chimes. He is a magnificent being, he is an angel. But he is also a one year old baby and babies are particular, don't understand most of what you want them to & are tiny little tornadoes of toes, mis matched socks & baby spoons. Everything is new to him. Everything is sparkley.... I can see in his eyes that he must touch & experience every single paperclip & button. Every waking moment is exploring, and exploring fast. Quickly from one treasure to the other... and when he finds a good one he'll hold it up to me with such happiness & pride. But most of the time his greatest treasure is my cell phone (which, come on, I have enough trouble keeping up with) or the remote to the TV (we are down to only one for the whole house)....

Today in the span of one hour, I missed my trainer appt because of a car seat miscommunication, Dylan found a new button that turns mommys computer totally off.... even with unsaved items still up...., the boxer peed on the carpet & jumped in the pool upon punishment to the backyard... and I remembered at 4:30 that I hadn't eaten all day. The meaning of mommy caught up with me fast this afternoon.

Luckily, I had a date night planned with some amazing girlfriends. Dinner... great booked turned great movie... 3 glasses of wine... 2 more when i got home... although its 1am.. and I will be very tired when my 6am baby alarm goes off... I needed a break, even after a break. Guess I needed a break more after I had a break than before I had a break. Not sure it guilt, rest or a combo of both made today especially trying... but here I am at the end of it all... and all I can think about is that I can't wait to see my baby tomorrow. I can't wait to play & be less stressed tomorrow. He's going to be the best part of my day & I already know that and miss him.

But... at the thought of tomorrow...and how fun it will surely be.... I better call it a night. Good night moon.

What you MUST register for & why ~~ PART 1

Simply put, there are some things you are going to want, some things you are going to need and some things you won't be able to live without. Here is my professional mommy opinion on what you should register for.... in no particular order:

1) Excersaucer: It is a place to put your baby, help him learn to balance, but most importantly keep him entertained for 30mins to an hour. I find myself moving it from room to room... its stays stationary so I will put it in the kitchen while I do dishes or even the bathroom while I shower.

personal fav: $99.99

Baby Einstein Discovery Center Entertainer - Around the World

2) Bottles: This is kinda obvious, but you are going to need them to feed the baby, regardless of if you breastfeed or not. At some point you will move to bottles. If you do breastfeed you are going to want to register for the fatter bottles, or the ones that basically resemble a boob. Since I didn't, I stuck with the longer skinnier ones. I highly suggest registering for both kinds, they will likely get put to use either way it goes. Register for AT LEAST 3 packs of each kind. And you will end up buy more, but its a great start.

Personal Fav: Playtex Ventair... Like these because they are easy to assemble and it just makes sense to me that the angle they are shaped in allows for less air, thus less gas...

If you breastfeed or plan to get these:

If not you can use these, these happened to be the only kind Dylan would drink from. For some reason he does not like fat nipples apparently:)

Also.... with nipples, register for extra and register for all types of flow... fast, rapid, slow. Why? At first, when they are learning to suck, they need slow flow nipples, obviously so they don't choke. As they get a bit older and get the hang of it, you are going to want faster flow. Also, for milk, you may want a faster flow and for juices, slower. Since milk is thicker than water or juice. PLUS you can never get enough extra parts of bottles. So register for them!!

3) Diapers! Clearly, you are going to need these. Pick the kind you want, but I suggest for new moms pampers swaddlers. The reason is that they are the only kind of diaper that show you when you need to change diapers. When its dry there is a yellow line, when its wet it turns blue. This only comes in sizes N - 2 - but don't worry, by the time they are in 2's you will know when a diaper is full:) Also, keep in mind that newborns are only going to be in N's for about 2-3 weeks... they move to 1's quick and grow out of each size about every 2-3 mths from there....

4) Burp Clothes! You are going need TONS of these, especially for the first 6 mths. They will probably litter your house, but register for several packs of them... and you will still need to buy more.

5) SOUND MACHINE

What? Its a machine you keep in the nursery that make white noise sounds (ocean, rain, heart beat, etc) that helps the baby sleep. (See my entry Sleep Baby Sleep Please for why you NEED one for sure) `

A popular kind that you will see is the little lamb & if you get one or register one, they are great. The only problem is that they are battery operated, so I highly recommend the kind that comes with a plug. Obviously, you don't want to find a miracle that helps you baby sleep and run out of batteries in the middle of the night. At our house, its on 24/7 in Dylans room and he now can't sleep without it. But hey, I can't sleep without a fan so...

Where? Most everything I buy for baby and EVERYTHING i found for this entry I found at Babys R Us... but this one... I do recommend going with a nicer not necessarily "baby" sleep sound machine so you can know that it will last. This one is a Brookstone though and it is specifically for nurseries.

6) LEAP FROG PUPPY PAL

This goes along with the sound machine, but we have this little guy and its great for weekend trips, trips to grandmas or maybe a dinner at a friends house where you have to put the baby down to sleep for a little bit while you are there. You pinch the guys little foot 3 times and it sings your baby to sleep... both Dylan and my nephew love it and can't get to sleep away from home without it.

7) Things that you will find yourself buying over and over are paci's (if your baby is a paci baby) ~~ and paci clips. They say that if you breast feed your baby will prefer these kinds of paci's : notice the slant on the nipple:

If you do not breastfeed... your baby is "supposed" to prefer this type... with the rounder nipple. This particular kind is the best for us because it seems to suction to his mouth better, the way the outer plastic part curves and is open for... well all the spit to get out:) But like the bottles, register for a ton of both kinds, Dylan likes ALL pacis.

8) SWING & BOUNCY SEAT!

Honestly, the brand itself doesn't matter, but you could probably register for 2 and cross your fingers that you get both. Because until your baby can sit up by himself (about 4-6 mths I'd say) ~ the only place you have to put your baby is in the bouncy seat or swing. The swing is not exactly easy to transfer from room to room... but this seat is. You can put the baby in there in the bathroom floor while you shower, prob him up on the middle bed in it while you dress... or the center of the kitchen table while you cook.... on the coffee table while you are doing laundry... its a for sure MUST have. When you pick out your seat look for:

1) a cushiony soft bottom so that when they start to kick, they don't bruise their little legs.

2) If you get one that rocks.... you won't be able to move it around like I just said from place to place. Because you don't want them rocking right off the table:)

3) Easily replaceable batteries that require easy to find batteries.

4) Lightweight enough to carry in one hand, while carrying a baby in the other.

5) Colorful stimulation for above the babies head. We bought the cute one with brown monkeys... Dylan did not care to stare at drab brown monkeys so we had to get another one.

I found this fun bouncy seat & there was a swing that matched it.... its super high tech about the same cost as the ones we bought for Dylan... most likely I will get both of these for my next 2 babies. Because the My Little Lamb we did get (which looked so cute and cuddling) was also white and got mighty dirty. I liked both of these because you can wipe clean & they have enough covered soft leg room for baby to kick... and they are super high tech..... I found these at SMART MAMA... they don't carry them at Babys R Us last I checked...

http://smartmomma.com/files/cache/de64ae6f545dd038b2100253562fdc82.jpg

http://smartmomma.com/Peg-Perego-2011-Sdraietta-Melodia-Musical-Chair-Iris-p-20456.html

9) BABY SHAKESPEARE!!!!!!! WORLD OF WORDS SPECIFICALLY!

I have probably pushed this item too much as is... but its for a reason!!! GET IT!!

10) SLEEP SACKS!!!!!!!!!!!

When people would ask me after Dylan was born what they could bring me... I always asked for more of these. They are GREAT for late night diaper changes... no snaps, no zippers, no problem. Register for all sizes too 0-3, 3-6, 6-9 and I'd actually register for at least 5 - 10 of each size. And you will still buy more...

The two I suggest are:

Make sure to register for BOTH long sleeve and sleeveless of both.... do the math from when your baby is born (EX... Dylan was born in March.... it was just getting warm... so for 6 mths I only needed the sleeveless.... but needed long sleeve ones as it got cold... make sure to also get the warm fuzzy kind for BOTH seasons (sleeveless or not) because baby needs to stay warmer than we do in order sleep better)

AND ~~~ baby sleep gowns

Thats all for now... but I am sure I will think of more.... stay tuned for PART 2 :)

No means NO!! Seriously....

At first it was cute, saying no to Dylan and he just smiles back totally clueless. Now its becoming such a nightmare, he does not understand regardless of my tone or serious expression. Its also starting to concern me that when he goes to stick his finger in a socket and I yell no from across the room, my poor child will get electrified.

This morning Dylan was pulling up on the gate that we have set up to block him from the stairs. This is a constant problem. So I said no, Jon walked in he said no, Jon firmly picked him up and put him down about 2 feet from the gate. To which Dylan started to cry and immediately went back to the gate. We did this for 10 straight minutes with absolutely no progress.

I've taken some much needed steps to research how and when to teach your child NO. Thought I'd share.... I found this information from baby websites, mom forums and pediatric websites. You'll be able to tell which ones are the mom's advice... Essentially what I learned is to keep doing what I am doing and tough it out for another 6 mths because he isn't going to get it until then.... Fabulous!

1

Watch for times when your baby is about to do something inappropriate.

2

Stop her before she completes the action by telling her 'no' in a firm, but loving manner.

3

Express your concern and displeasure through your facial expression more than through your voice. Loudness or harshness may scare your infant.

4

Use some type of hand motion, such as a shaking pointer finger or the American Sign Language sign for 'no'. Use this sign each time you say 'no'. This will reinforce what 'no' means and help her to respond even faster.

5

Imitated what might happen if she did the inappropriate action. For example, if she is about to touch a hot mug, pretend to touch it and then burst into tears. This will show her that the action will bring great discomfort and she will most likely avoid that action in the future.

6

Tell her 'no' consistently when she is about to do something inappropriate. Hesitating from doing this because you feel you are being too negative could cause her to get mixed signals and misinterpret what 'no' really means.

7

Avoid creating fake situations. If you set her up in a situation and then scold her for responding to it, she will be confused, frustrated, and unable to respond to 'no' appropriately

8

Consistency is especially important for toddlers. If Mom's computer was off-limits yesterday, it should be off-limits today. And don't worry about repeating yourself. A toddler may need to hear something literally a hundred times before he gets the message.

9

Think of discipline as a form of teaching, not a form of punishment

10

make it as easy as possible for your child to do the right thing. Try to avoid putting him in situations he can't handle. For example, don't take him on long shopping trips when he's tired and hungry. And don't surround him with things he's not allowed to touch. If his world is cluttered with temptations, you'll spend all day saying "no." Try to maximize his opportunities to play and explore but minimize his chances to get into trouble.

11

That is WAY too young to start discipline.
He/she will not understand what is going on.
Wait until he/she is able to talk and communicate.
The only thing you can do is stop them from doing what you don't want them to do by removing them from the situation, and I bet they will go back so you will have to do it over and over...

12

Understand that, at this age, baby is beginning to learn the word no. Only use it when you mean it, and expect baby to challenge you on it every time for a while. For example, be sure to use the word no when she's unsafe. This will help her understand the concept faster.

13

During the earlier months, baby will do things like pull hair and such when she's really just trying to show you affection. When these moments come along, say, "No! No!" in a sweet tone and try to replace the action with something that is positive like a kiss on the hand.

Read more on FamilyEducation:http://life.familyeducation.com/baby/discipline/44249.html#ixzz1JE0AxnJx

Oh, right... I have a baby

I feel like I say this over and over again... but its so crazy to think about how much has changed in 2 short years. My life has changed, my marriage has changed, my career, my personality, my body, my family, my relationships, how I spend my time, what I enjoy to do, who I enjoy to hang out with, how I see the world.... just about everything that possible could change in a person's life - has. To me, change is good... but when so much changes in such a short time - it sends a person into some form of shock. Not like the kind of shock where you can't feel your fingers or anything like this, but more like a numbness to your thoughts and emotions that slowly trickle back into being able to feel them again as time passes and you are more accustomed to the changes.

So now that Dylan is one year old, and I've had exactly 374 days to adjust to being a mom, plus of course the roughly 300 days I spent pregnant and adjusting to the thought of a totally new life and body... I have all together had 674 days to wrap my head around Betsy's life Part 2. Sitting here right now on day 674, I can honestly say.... I've never been happier. Sure it took a long uncomfortable, difficult & sometimes painful road.... but as my mother once said to me... the sweet just isn't as sweet, without a little sour.

I think I've pretty clearly outlined throughout this blog, exactly what the sour has been for me. I think I have even gotten across the sweet too.... but sometimes when I talk about being pregnant or being a mom, I feel like what comes across is how difficult it is. How much changes... I feel like sometimes I portray a little more sour than sweet. For example, I was recently in Miami visiting one of my very best friends in the world & I found myself talking about motherhood and from the look on her face as I was talking, I realized I might just be talking her out of ever having a baby. I was saying how once you become a mother, you can never, ever, ever again go somewhere else & be totally 100% present. Because, wherever you go, if you are not with your baby - a piece of you is missing. So while I am sitting on a boat, in the middle of crystal blue ocean, drinking corona in the gorgeous sun... in the back of my mind I am thinking of exit strategies for Jessica & I should the partying get a little out of hand. Because I need to be safe & healthy in order to be a good mother... so if something happens to me, it equally happens to my child, therefore nothing bad can happen to me, because it will heavily effect my son. Its a vicious circle. And I am explaining this to one of the freest spirits I know, so the thought of being tied to another soul to such an extent, understandably brought fear to her poor heart.

The only way I can counteract this wave of fear I have just brought upon her, is to just speak from my heart. Because as a person who can usually find a way with words, its incredibly difficult to express the depth of love, peace & happiness I have found in motherhood. I think just like anything else, its easier to voice the downfalls of things, while the best things in the world usually don't have words to accompany them. So here goes...

I used to love sleep... adore it... treasure sleeping. At some point I remember questioning if I one day will look back on my life and regret sleeping so much. Today, while some days its more difficult that others to wake all the way up... sleep has much less priority in my life. If I am jolted out of bed at 2am by a crying baby, my heart is awake and in his room faster than my feet. Sleep... the thing I onced loved and treasured... does not hold a candle to my role as a mother & my love for my child. Ok.... hmmm.... I feel as though to a person who is not yet a mother, this may also come across as something to jot down on the negative side.... so let me keep trying....

My marriage. My relationship with my husband has become a bond that I never thought existed. And for those of you who know me, you know I fell madly in love with my husband, to a depth that I had never experienced and many of my friends didn't understand, and never looked back. So for me to say that my love has gotten even deeper... thats saying something. We share this bond that only the two of us understand, this love, this connection, this mutual respect for the other as a parent.... this precious relationship that only the other one has, and no one else in the world can share with us.... and that just elevates our love to a whole new arena. Sweet right?

Days. My days are filled with messiness. With Elmo. With repeating the same 5 actions over and over. But I am never bored, rarely stressed, and always always smiling, singing, and happy. Ok, ok, sure sometimes I am a total zombie. Never get out of my PJ's, shower at 4pm, forget to brush my teeth... totally focused on someone else 100% of the day... but somehow, I don't really mind 96% of the time. This, compared to my old life where I used to struggle with whether or not I would ever be happy. Or whether or not I just really enjoyed misery on some sick level.... now, I can say happily... I am happy.

So I guess there isn't really a great way to describe it. Why I am happy, how I am happy, why being a mom is so great. I think you just have to experience the total joy of watching your baby balance on his own feet for the first time, or the hilariousness of getting pureed peaches sneezed in your face. Describing it so that you can understand it is like putting the horse before the cart... you just can't. You just have to trust me.

Dylan's birthday I remember looking at him delving into his elmo cake, in a room full of people staring at him with cheesy grins and pure joy... and thinking, its going by too fast. I need to stop the clock because I am scared I will blink at this time will be gone. And that scares me because, I have found such joy in these simple times.... I never want them to end. And just to be able to say that a year has flown by.... that in itself is telling of the joys I have found in being a mom. A YEAR used to be like... this really long time.... and now, its been a blink. Time flies when you are having fun. And flying it is.

Where I am now...

Its difficult to believe that almost a year has gone by since my life turned upside down. I hope that my life is full of times when everything gets turned on its head and spins you in a different direction. I believe that is probably what life is all about, adjusting to change & then learning to adjust with the new change that's just around the corner.

In a year I have gone from being totally occupied by days going to a job that I never really wanted to go to & nights drinking & smoking... to finding happiness in following my heart as a mother. I find myself making decisions in my life as an example of how I want my son to make decisions. To realize dreams & take actions towards them.

If you know me then you know my dream of having a successful photography business. At times I certainly get discouraged, its a competitive field to say the least. For every amazing picture you take, there are 100 more from other extremely talented photographers to make you question your own talent. Its a very cut throat industry, I've received emails from other photographers that are nothing less that cruel about my work. As a photographer, you have to be confident you are the best, with confidence comes that fine line of arrogance that gets us all in trouble. While I do take these criticisms to heart (and try as I might to ignore them) ~ it does take toll on me. I'll put myself in time out, not allowing my camera out of its bag for weeks so I can regroup mentally.

I spend hours upon hours advertising, working on my site - to feel like I only move an inch and when you are spinning your wheels as fast as you can and not getting very far - it can be discouraging to say the least. And then as if it's a gift from the heavens, you get a new client & get yourself back out there. What I can be so proud of is that I never gave in, never gave up, I worked through the hard times & allowed the struggles to only contribute to my growing strength as a photographer & dream catcher.

And its all because of my little muse. I never want him to give up on his dreams, so when I feel the urge to throw in the towel, I think of the example I am setting. That my life is now just an example to him and I should live it accordingly. So to say motherhood has changed me for the better, is an understatement. Sure, nothing that used to seem so urgent is as big of a deal as it used to be. Sure, I am calmer, feel more connected to a greater purpose, share a connection with every other mother in the world... but I think what has changed most in me as a mother is that I always want to be a better person than I was yesterday. If that means holding true to my dreams today, then tomorrow it will be perfecting them. I hold myself to a higher standard because I know I have a little one who will one day look at my life (and his fathers) as a jumping board from which to build his own life.

So each day that I find myself more successful than the last, I owe it all to my son (well...mostly;) Cute little man.

Days Like This

My hair is dreadful, no make up and 3 new chin pimples. My outfit hardly qualifies as such, but it was the only thing that was clean this morning. The laundry just piles up & dishes are never ending. I feel like as soon as I get one thing done, it sprouts back up just like a weed. I've been stressed before, but standing in the line at the grocery store with a full cart and screaming baby looking all a mess, only to know I am going home to dirty clothes & dishes... I am thinking this is my limit.

I mean what do you do when you know you look dreadful & everyone in Kroger is staring at you thinking "can you please quiet that baby". It doesn't help that the cute girl behind me is all done up, clearly on her lunch break with only a to-go salad and Figi water in her hand. I motion for her to go ahead and pick the baby up and he instantly stops crying. Great, now I am faced with the challenge of unloading a full cart, one handed.

Bless the store manager who comes up as I near the front of the line and starts to unload my cart for me. He is a nice Indian man named Abob and has just made my day. I was used to men doing nice things for me when I considered myself hot, but I was usually just annoyed. Now looking my worst, this kind man is doing something for me, maybe out of pity, but something in his eyes tell me that he's a father. And while I am convinced only single dads have any clue of what us mothers go through, any parent probably can relate to this situation.

So I get in the car, get loaded up and take a deep breath as a step into the driver seat. Sometimes my favorite thing to do is just drive. I turn up the music and decide to take the long way home, hoping that the baby will fall asleep on the way. This is usually the case, but today Dylan just cries half the long way home - so I opt to turn on the cut through street taking me a quicker way. When I pull into my driveway I just get the baby and my keys and head inside. Who knows how long it will be before I actually unload the car. I change a diaper, fill a bottle and rock my little man fast asleep. My mind is running a million miles a minute all the while, so as soon as I reach my kitchen I get started on the dishes. Next, laundry room... and thirty minutes later - I remember the groceries. Thank God its a cold day, so even the milk is still cold. I can't even fathom the dinner conversation, over rice & green beans (because that is all that was in my pantry prior to the grocery trip) where I explain to my well meaning, yet clueless to what my day entails, husband how I ruined $200 worth of groceries.

After I get all the food put away, I realize that I may have a good 20 minutes to take a quick shower. Its like a day at the spa to me right now, except for the fact that I am slowly loosing my hair for unknown reasons. None the less, I am so happy to be in this hot shower right now it almost feels like its my first shower in days... oh wait... it is:)

Stay at home moms get a bad rap. I know when I was a childless working women, I never understood why stay at home moms complain so much. I mean, who can be stressed when you get to spend the day in your PJs playing with your precious baby. Guess its just one of those things you can never explain or understand, you just have to live it. Flip side is a guess the working moms don 't get to sit down until 9pm, whereas I don't get to sit down until about 7pm, when my husband has been fed & dishes cleaned.

I know for sure we place a lot of pressure on ourselves, but at the end of the day your job is to keep the home clean & baby healthy. Its taken me a year to get over going in public less than perfect & to ignore the stares from strangers when my child is a little loud in the Dog Food aisle (I mean people, its Kroger, not the freaking New York Symphony... cut the eye rolls please, I don't care that you are 90 yrs old & don't like kids... just get your granny pampers & mind your own business). Its taken me a year to not add stress to my day if the baby is having an especially fussy one by forcing myself to get the floors done. Its taken me a year to realize that while my job isn't earning a paycheck, I am working harder than anyone I know that has to drive to work. And that last statement comes from a person who worked an extremely stressful job. What difficult is the emotional test you go through every day and the pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect. We have the time to be perfect mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, friends... we feel the desperate need to make sure everyone we love knows how much we love them.

Sometimes though, you need to pick up the phone & ask for help. It may feel like a tiny defeat as you say the words to your mother in law "can you come watch the baby for a few hours" but after you have had those few hours to leisurely go through target, or go and get a manicure, you can reset your thinking back to relaxed. Because us moms, working or not, don't really even get a break when we sleep. We sleep with one eye open and our ear to the ground for the slightest hint the baby might be choking on something in his crib. We are jolted out of bed at 3am while our husbands sleep soundly away when the baby shrills a cry for no reason. Some may even wonder... how did I get here? Who is this person and where did her high heels go?

Here's the thing though, want to know how this day ended? My husband walked through the door and picked up our son and they both smiled like crazy at each other. Then they both just started laughing for no reason, or I guess for a reason only a father son duo would understand. Then I drank a nice glass of wine while Jon fed the baby and put him to bed. I tried out a new recipe and it was delicious. We watched a movie we had been wanting to see and went to bed a little early. Nothing spectacular but a long enough break to remind myself how happy I am. That not every day is like this and while some of them string along in a row, eventually I find myself dancing in the living room with my perfect son to "Days Like This" while reminding him that this will be the song we dance to at his wedding.

Then I remember, its going to just blink by and one day I will look back on this time and either regret ever letting myself get so stressed, or totally forget there was ever a bad day. Its just like anything else, you have one bad day and you think "thats it, my life sucks" and then a good day rolls along and you think "everything is perfect". Its just that as mothers, those days are amplified by a million. And to be honest, while the bad days are even more difficult now... the good days are like peeks into what heaven will be like.

not all rainbows & butterflies

This week has been hectic as can be for us... ok for me... I can't imagine Dylan having a hard week with his mommy catering every need, so I will just go ahead and give myself credit for being stressed to the max and still getting through the last few days.

Jon left for Orlando Sunday around 12pm, which means that I haven't had a break since then. I never really realized what those extra 2 hrs a day did for me until they have been totally taken away from me. Usually Jon gets up with the baby in the morning and takes over bedtime routine from 6-7. Its a great system, but even so I would still think that he had it easy with only 2 hours of selfless time. Now that I've regained those duties, I am realizing that his presence and two hours of help are priceless.

On top of being minus 2 extra "me time" hours a day, my son has decided to boycott naps this week. He hasn't napped since Saturday, which means that I have had no time to breath. To sit down and just decompress. I finally had gotten to a point where when I put the baby down for his nap, I would either sit and read my book or shower. I save the chores for while he is awake since I am constantly up and moving then anyway. Before I had this figured out I was trying to get MORE chores done while he was sleeping and found myself in a state of total exhaustion. So this method has worked well for us, until Sunday of course.

Why the sudden change you ask? It would be sweet and extremely irritating to assume this nap protest has been brought about by missing his daddy. And while I let Jon think that all he wants, the truth is that he learned to pull himself up in his crib Sunday morning. It was an exciting shock to walk in Sunday morning and see him standing up in all his proud glory. Until of course I realized that afternoon that standing up is his immediate response now when I put him in his crib. I have spent the last 3 1/2 days regretting the fact my child is developing normally with this little pull up milestone. If that makes me a bad mother, then I am making up for it in the patience I have exhibited this week, so no judging.

If this was not enough, a new tooth has decided to make its debut this week as well. Here I was last week worried that Dylan was not developing normally because he couldn't pull up and only had 2 teeth... when what I should have been doing is relishing in the fact he was not teething and sleeping like an angel.

If you have never dealt with a teething baby before, let me fill you in on what I have been going through. Teething means that your baby is not happy at all and instead of normal baby poops is pooping grown up 300 lb man poops... gross? Well, lets add that this lovely diaper filling is extremely runny and almost impossible to to change without getting some of it on you. Experienced moms are just nodding right now, if you are not a mom yet you may have stopped reading by this point. In any case, this is the reality of teething.

On top of not laying down & teething... my son woke up yesterday morning with a runny nose & seems to be coughing today. Fabulous.

We are also learning the word NO this week. Being that he is more mobile, he is getting into everything. First he thought the word was hilarious. Then I started to firm up my tone and he would immediately shed crocodile tears. Which of course my response is to pick him up and apologize. So instead of me training him, be began to train me. At least my patience is wearing off to the point where I don't feel the need to apologize for telling him not to pull the printer down on his head and we seem to be advancing in that arena. Mommy 1. Dylan 28.

No wonder my hair has been falling out. Its actually been over the last few weeks that I am noticing way more hair falling out than is normal for me. I thought it may be a delayed symptom of pregnancy, that I had been told might happen. However, after a visit to my doctor yesterday she is convinced it is not that. She tells me I need to get more sleep, slow down & find ways to reduce stress in my life. And no, she does not have children. I also have some blood work being done next week to test for Thyroid issues & Lupus, but until then I am thinking reducing stress and getting sleep is going to be the challenge of the year so far.

Reading back through my entries so much of what I say is glowingly happiness, but I've always promised to be straight about motherhood. There are days like this where you just think... you have reached your limit. So far I've learned a lot of what goes into being a mom is to stuff all those immediate thoughts & emotions to things to a place way far back in your mind so that it doesn't show through. Thats what it means to be selfless... if you are tired, you overcome it, if you are overwhelmed, you overcome it, if you are angry, you push it away... you do all this for the benefit of your child, so they have a happy & well adjusted mother.... so they in turn are happy and well adjusted children. Its just that some days its more difficult than others and sometimes you look back and think... how long have I been doing this? Sometimes, you just need a break. This is one of those sometimes for me!

Luckily, Jon gets home at 12 tomorrow and the first thing I am going to do is handover his beautiful, exhausted, teething, snotty child so his beautiful exhausted wife can shut herself in her room, run a bath and read a book.

tips for decorating your nursery

As a first time mom, the thought of putting together a nursery was exciting and daunting all at the same time. I spent weeks searching through stores and websites for the perfect decor, I even bought a decorators magazine to come up with the perfect room for my little baby. There are some things I wish I had thought of, some things I wish I had known and some things I wish I had not sacrificed for the sake of a perfectly decorated nursery. So for those of you wondering where to start and what you might need to know, here are a few tips from me a year later...

1. the crib.

This is the most important piece of furniture in your nursery... not the changing table, not the crib set, not the rocker... far and away you want to start with the crib. Here is what you don't do:

Don't...

.... pick out a crib based solely on its looks

.... pick out the most expensive crib thinking it must be the best

.... buy the crib online

.... don't buy a dark wood crib, no matter what your decor is going to be!! why? because guess what, when the baby is about a year old, can pull himself up & teething, he will eat your crib alive. seriously. the crib will have little bite marks and actually bite off pieces of wood. so if you are dead set on wood, go for natural wood color... but better off just getting a plastic crib.

Do....

.... ask the process for lowering the bed, some require you taking the bed fully apart to lower it. Your goal should be to get the safest crib, that has the simplest method for lowering. (you will lower the crib every 3-4 mths as your baby grows)

.... print out a list of baby crib recalls and refer to it before you purchase any crib... here is a list (this one includes all recalls for 2010 so you might want to take it along before you register http://babyproducts.about.com/od/recallsandsafety/a/prodrecalls.htm)

another really helpful link about crib safety: http://www.babycenter.com/204_cpsc-proposes-new-crib-safety-rules_10334570.bc

2. The bedding.

There is actually a lot more that goes into picking out baby bedding than what is the cutest. First you should read about crib safety & decide for yourself if you will opt for a crib bumber. If you don't know what a bumper is (as I did not) it is the soft lining that ties to the crib that the baby sleeps around. Kind of like a pillow for the edges of the crib, I got mine at Pottery Barn because I loved it:

However, the concerns with the baby bumper is that while they are learning to sleep in their crib they may press their face up against the side and suffocate themselves. The other concern as they get old is they may somehow figure out to pull it off and wrap it around themselves. The case with us is that I didn't know this about the bumper until Dylan had been sleeping with one for about 2 mths. At that point I knew that he had already figured out how to turn his head when sleeping and had the ability to change positions in order to breath. (at first when you put them down they dont' know to turn their head) - but Dylan had figured this out. Still, I decided to take out the bumper because I was scared, but then he began to hit his head on the bars so hard it woke him up and gave him bumps. So now its back on and I am not concerned about it being there. It really needs to be a well researched personal decision.

3. The decor.

I found my decorations at Pottery Barn, I basically loved the entire spread and bought the whole thing... from the bedding, to the curtains to the decals on the wall. I decided to go with a nuetral design scheme that would allow me to use it for our next child, whether it was a boy or girl.

However, I did pick out the colors based on theories about how colors effect a person's state of mind. You want your babies room to really be a relaxing place, because they basically will only spend their time sleeping in there. But I did want a suble element of stimulation for when he gets a little older and plays in his room...

Some research I used:

Depending on the hue, color can over stimulate or depress. It is usually in the tertiary colors that we find the right balance. The following is a list of attributes that are widely assigned to primary and secondary colors.

• Red: (think passion) stimulates, arouses, heightens awareness.
• Blue: (think water; the ocean) relaxes, calms, transfixes.
• Yellow: (think sun) recharges, energizes, revitalizes.

Secondary colors create gradations of the feelings attributed to primary colors.

• Green: (Blue/Yellow) stabilizes, balances.
• Orange: (Red/Green) cheers, orders.
• Purple: (Blue/Red) protects, comforts.

4. The Chair...

You are probably going to want a chair in the babies room, you want some kind of rocker for sure. However, I would advise against the popular choice of a glider. They are great and you think its an obvious addition to any nursery, however, you are going be spending a lot of time in this thing. The fact of the matter is that you probably will move this chair to another area of the house for the first couple of months, like the living room or bedroom. The reason is that you will be getting up every 1-2 hrs feeding and rocking back to sleep. The glider is fine for a little while, but if you are stuck in this thing for over 20 mins, then you can't recline and the arms and very baby holding friendly. My suggestion, really, is to get a recliner. We bought the glider first & then went out and got a recliner (actually we had to ask our parents to buy it for us, because we spent so much $ already on the other nursery furniture)... however I spent about 6 mths in this recliner. So if you can afford both, go for it, but if you can only have one or the other - I highly suggest recliner. You may not find it in the pages of Pottery Barn, but when you are on your 28th hour straight awake and stuck in a chair for 2 hrs because every time you move the baby wakes up.... you are either gonna thank me if you take my advice or wish you had.

5. Get it all done by your 6th month!

Don't let it all fester there in a room, unorganized and in boxes. We had showers up to 3 weeks before the baby was born and I was so immobile from being swollen and so full of a baby that I really couldn't move around a lot or bend over at all. So my husband and I had to get it all together in a weekend before the baby was supposed to arrive.

In your second trimester you will probably feel the most energized and ready to start nesting. Don't let yourself get wrapped up in the things that don't matter & try if you can to have all your showers done by the 6th month. That way you have plenty of time to organize the gifts & decorations before the baby is here and you don't feel rushed or overwhelmed.

6. Safety First (so not sure why I put it last)

Things to think about... if you have a video monitor, make sure you buy one of those wire covers to go from the video source to the plug. The source has to be near to the crib, so you want to make sure there is no possible way for the baby to get their hands on the wire.

Plug covers... you may not think its something you need to do right away, but go ahead and do it. Things happen in a blink with a baby, one second they are not crawling - turn around and look back and they are. So be prepared well in advance, it will bring you a comfort to know that you don't need to constantly be on alert for when you should go ahead and do that.

Don't put shelves above the crib. There are obvious reasons when you think about it, but you don't want to worry about the shelving falling or items from the shelves falling into the crib. Better just to skip that all together and go the decal route... or nothing at all.

7. The Window...
If you want to decorate the window with the cutest curtains you can find, go for it. But definitely get a shade for behind it. Nap time doesn't work as well when the room is full of sunshine...

I think the overall point is to try to go for functionality over trying to win decorator of the year. When it comes down to it you need a safe, dark, comfortable room for you and your baby. Be sure to ask other moms their advice on what makes a nursery all of those things, for me - its everything mentioned above.