1. Its a timely process -so relax.
For most people, it does not happen instantly. Prior to marriage, pregnancy is always a major scare for women. I had it in my mind that if one little spermy got through, I was going to be pregnant instantly. Well, for me and most people this isn't the case.
According to MedicineNet.com 85% of couples will get pregnant within a year. The average time takes 6 mths and women under 35 should wait at least a year before consulting a doctor regarding fertility issues. So this means, if you have been trying for a few months and haven't seen any success - don't start stressing. Stress on your body obviously can play a role in reducing your chances of getting pregnant. According to BabyCenter.com stress can affect your bodies ability to ovulate, which obviously needs to happen in order to get pregnant. It took me and Jon 7mths. Trust me, I know the feeling of taking pregnancy tests and the results being negative time after time. Its mini heartbreaks time after time, and the further it goes on it gets more and more heartbreaking. But - you need to find a way to distract yourself from the pressure of getting pregnant. Its pressure you are putting on yourself & its actually hurting your chances. Take trips, read books, work out, eat right, take bubble baths, get a spa day.... do whatever you can to keep your mind off of getting pregnant and staying relaxed!
2) Have Fun!
I can't imagine anything worse than sex becoming a total chore. This happens so easily to couples when you have been trying for a while. I won't lie and say there weren't a few times this was the case for me and Jon, but I almost didn't want to get pregnant on those instances because it felt slightly like it took away from the whole beginning of a life. I mean, wouldn't you rather (if you could be choosy) think that your baby was conceived out of total passion & love for each other? I know at a certain point the answer becomes "no I don't care at all, I just want a baby" but if you stop to think about it, of course we would all prefer for the baby to conceived after a long romantic "stroll" on a moonlit beach somewhere.
So try and focus on keeping sex fun... first step of course is to refer to #1 of this entry. Some other ideas:
~ Change location... either a weekend get a away or even just another room of the house:)
~ Make it sexy again... buy some lingerie, bring something fun and different into the bedroom... meaning, go to the sex store and get creative. The new toys can be a fun distraction from the boring chore you have gotten into...
~ Take a break.... I am sure you are thinking "wtf... that is exactly how you do not get pregnant" but I think its a good idea to maybe take a few weeks off of trying... especially when its really starting to become boring... after all, absence makes the heart grow fonder:) Just like anything else, if you take a small break when you get back to work, you start off fresh and ready:)
~ Go on dates... this is a special time and its easy to forget that when you are totally one track minded about baby machine. This is the last time that you will be just the two of you, its the last time you can just pick up and leave town on a whim, or even just go to your favorite romantic restaurant and enjoy each other out of the blue. Once you are finally pregnant, you won't be staying up past 9pm, are so limited about the food you can eat, focused on your body, can't drink... even romantic dinners aren't as romantic as they can be now. Lets not even get into when the baby comes - lining up sitters, having a "babysitter curfew" and then not even thinking about sleeping in past 6am the next morning. Go on a date, remember why you love each other...DO NOT TALK ABOUT HAVING A BABY WHILE ON THE DATE OR THE TROUBLES YOU ARE CURRENTLY HAVING.... and enjoy this time together... who knows when it could be your last young couple without children's romantic date out.
3) Consider your lifestyle
If you smoke, drink, don't work out very much & eat poorly... these are all factors that can contribute to troubles conceiving. This goes for daddy too... so make sure you are both on the same page about your lifestyle choices and eliminating things that may get in your way of having a baby.
4) Do not tell anyone!
This advice should probably be listed at #1... but do not tell anyone (in my opinion not even your best friend) that you are trying. If you are newly married, you know that as soon as you get married the day after your honeymoon the first question you are asked is "so when are you going to have a baby".... outside pressure can really be difficult to handle. It only adds to the pressure you already feel and you are reminding of it every time someone asks you. Instead of delving into "well we have been trying" or "we are having issues" or even "soon" anything that hints that you may be trying... say something like "we really are just enjoying being married right now, we definitely want children, just not sure when and not at the present moment"... otherwise if people know that you are trying you are going to start getting those questions and looks from co-workers and friends... those "any luck yet?" pity looks. If its a reminder of any kind of pressure you feel... you dont' need it... besides, this is a fun little secret you and your husband should keep to each other. This will add to the "having fun" part.... do not tell anyone!!
There is nothing worse than getting news that someone you love is pregnant and that being followed with an "are you mad at me" or "are you ok" -it just makes your blood boil. This happened when my sister got pregnant a month before me, my parents & husband all were just waiting for me to burst into selfish tears... thats insanity! My sister is pregnant, she is happy and I am getting a little niece or nephew... of course I am thrilled! I am not that freakin self absorbed.... but people around you dont' see it that way. It was like she got a brand new barbie and my parents got me nothing... I promise, I won't throw a fit. But instead of having that ball up in the air, just keep it on the ground and don't let on to your baby plans. Trust me on this one.
5) There are fertile Myrtles in this world...
There are some freaks of nature out there that get pregnant on their honeymoon or after the first month of trying.... this does not prove anything... every body is different and just because you have been trying for 6 mths and your friend got pregnant after trying one week... remember 85% of couples take about a year.... and all of us have a friend that falls in that 15% that take a second... so be happy for them but don't let it get you down. Remember, you are in the majority.
6) Do not buy any baby related items!
I think its is really important. Sure, you see those cute little shoes & stuffed animals and they just make you swoon. And sure, you are trying so that means at some point there will be a baby somehow... but don't buy any reminders that you don't have one yet. Don't start clearing out the room in your house you know will be the nursery... again, this only builds up pressure and serves as a giant middle finger you are giving yourself. There will be plenty of time to buy for baby... I didn't buy anything for Dylan until 5mths and it was a book... it was the first thing I bought for him... it was much better for me to buy something for my baby who I knew was a boy, I knew was perfectly healthy and I knew his name... its a comfort to buy it. Its special, its specifically for your baby that is almost here....
6) Find a support group....outside of your network of friends and family.
The age of the internet allows us to find people going through the same things, at the same time, that we can share feelings with & gain strength from. You can anonymously get out what you are feeling on the inside, without sacrificing that wonderful secret you have. You can also gain strength from the members who have been where you are, and succeeded. They share words of encouragement and advice that worked for them. If you find that the stress is really more than you can handle, its a great idea to seek help from a therapist who can help you relieve that stress just by talking.... again, this is all about keeping yourself balanced.
A great website for groups and really a staple for me during my pregnancy is babycenter.com
The link for support group of women trying to conceive:
"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain there would be no rainbow." ~G. K. Chesterton
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