Too Pretty to be Fat

I distinctly remember this picture being taken and thinking I was fat. Four years later and I want to blow it up, frame it and put it over the fireplace for all to see. I think its the curse for all women, no matter their size, to consider themselves fat. I am sure we can all relate to this scenerio, thinking of a time that we thought we were fat in our past and looking back years later wishing for that body again.

About a year ago I was the biggest I have ever been (until now that is) at a size 12. The condition that my body was in at the time helped push along the desire to get pregnant. I thought "well if I was pregnant at least I'd have an excuse to be fat... I'll worry about loosing the weight after the baby". If I only had access to Doc Brown or the DeLorean...



If I were able to go back in time I would probably slap myself, maybe even twice. You know that friend of yours, that skinnier than you friend, who always commplains about how fat she is? Yeah, thats sort of how I look at myself a year ago... now anyway.

When I got pregnant I am pretty sure that one of my first thoughts was "ok bring on the ice cream sundae's" and I am positive that thinking continued right up until I went into labor. Cheeseburgers, pizza, burritos - you name it - if it was delicious and bad for you - I probably ate it. Picture a pregnant Cookie Monster and that will give you an idea. I mean, what else was there for me to do? Most of the things I enjoyed prior to being pregnant I couldn't do anymore (drink, smoke, eat sushi, stay up past 10) so if eating what I wanted made me happy - then eating what I wanted I shall do.

The thought is, this is the one time in your life you are able to indulge. Guilt free eating for 10 months... but I tell you what, I will NEVER have that mindset in. I will for sure be pregnant at least once more and I will run this thought through my preggers mind every time I ask for a Big Mac "size 16 = too small".

I am not saying its going to be easy. After a long day at work, pregnant and tired, the thought of putting together a healthy meal is revolting. You are emotional, think you look fat anyway and honestly feel you deserve Taco Bell. But if I knew then how fat I'd feel now, how hard it is to loose this weight, how no matter how much weight I loose I am still going to have the strechy tummy skin flap - I'd call the Fat Police on myself. "Put the Mint Chocolate Chip concrete down and walk away slowly!"

I started the low carb diet last week and ruined that this weekend, so I am starting over again this week. Official Fat Police business... drop 30 pounds in 4 months. The first wedding I am in this fall is the first weekend in Oct. My goal is to alter my size 18 dress down to a 12 by September. So I stay motivated, I am putting a calendar next to my scale and documenting my daily weight loss. Pray for me... I'm too pretty to be fat (or so my grandmother tells me;)) I gotta say, she's got a point. Because I tell you what, I have high hopes for myself of becoming a MILF and DO NOT want to look back on these days and call them my "skinny days"... By March 2011 I want to see this (what I once thought of as fat) body again...

sleep baby sleep... please!

Most of you know that newborns don't sleep through the night. In my experience my baby slept maybe 30mins to an hour before waking up and staying awake for about an hour each night. Needless to say, mommy was tired.

According to one of the many baby books I have read, Happiest Baby on the Block, human babies are born about a trimester too soon. Basically because human brains are so large that if they stayed in the womb any longer then their head would be too big to come out. The author calls the 1st three months of newborns lives the 4th trimester. And if you've been through pregnancy you know that the more you move around, the more the baby sleeps. When you sit still, the baby starts to move around. So...

#1 - Let baby sleep in swing

Newborns like motion, it lulls them to sleep. Not to mention most swings are elevated, which makes me feel better because if he spits up in his sleep he is less likely to choke. We started him swinging and slowing decreased the pace he was swining. Now he sleeps in the swing, but we don't turn it on. Soon we are going to phase him to the crib, but probably not until 6mths during the night. I do have him sleeping in his crib for naps now though.

#2 - Get a sound machine!

In the womb the sounds babies here is like a constant white noise. We were given a sound machine at our shower (thank you beverly!) and I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to put it to use... such a rookie. We put the sound of rain on and it stays on constantly in his nursery. As soon as we busted that thing out it was amazing the difference it made.

#3 - Feed the baby every 2 hours at bedtime

One reason babies wake up is because they are hungry. During the day I feed him about every 3 hours, then I feed him 5 ounces at 5:30 and again at 7:30 at bedtime. It keeps him full longer and has made a big difference.

#4 - Put them to sleep awake

I have just started this and began it for naptimes during the day. They are supposed to take a nap every two hours they are awake. I know thats what Dylan seems to do naturally and I try to encourage his natural sleep patterns. So when I can tell he is getting sleepy (which is about every two hours) I go ahead and put him upstairs in his swing, after rocking him for a bit. While he is still away, but with heavy eyes I put him in his swing and leave the room. Supposedly if they can teach themselves to go to sleep during the day, they get themselves back to sleep during the night when they wake up as well. I have noticed a major change this week after I started this, we've almost entirely skipped the 12am feeding all together. I will hear him through the monitor and give him 10 mins of whimpering (if he wakes up with the screaming cry I just get him up, but you know the differences in the cries) - and after that he usually just gets himself back to sleep. Its amazing!

#5 - Swaddle

Babies are accustomed to feeling cramped and I think that they find comfort in that. So to mimic the womb also means to imitate that feeling. Which means swaddling. We just take a light weight blanket and tuck it tightly around and under him in the swing (since its hard to swaddle them and buckle them in the swing).

I'm no doctor, but these tips all helped us tremendously and I highly recommend them!

Lessons from Glinda the Good Witch

Dorothy: Oh will you help me? Can you help me?
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas. You've had it all along.
Dorothy: I have?
The Scarecrow: Then why didn't you tell her before?
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: Because she wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.
The Tin Man: What have you learned, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Well, I - I think that it - it wasn't enough to just want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em - and it's that - if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with!"
Glinda: Home is a place we all must find, child. It's not just a place where you eat or sleep. Home is knowing. Knowing your mind, knowing your heart, knowing your courage. If we know ourselves, we're always home, anywhere.

I think that I have spent a lot of my life searching. Wondering if I made some change, would that make me more who I am, or happier. Don't get my wrong, I wasn't depressed or miserable, but I think its a quest we are all constantly on. Wanting something different, dreaming of a better house, better job, more money, owning our own business... its different for everyone. Whatever it is for you, I am sure you can relate.

For me, one of the greatest things about becoming a mother is that I have stopped searching. I mean I still have dreams, I still want to accomplish the same goals I had before, but the urgency is gone. Its ok to take life one day at a time, its ok for life to slow down... as a matter of fact I find myself wishing life would slow down even more. I've never before really just wanted time to stop right in its tracks until motherhood.

I love watching the baby grow and learn new things. But at the same time I don't want him to grow at all, I want him to stay a baby forever. Its kind of like when you get a puppy and then a year or two later, you want a puppy again. Something about having something so little and cute that is totally reliant on you... except as much as you love your puppy its about 100x more when its your child.

So far motherhood has brought me full circle. I've lived in the same neighborhood almost my entire life and have spent the last five years here daydreaming about moving back to the beach. I felt like the beach was where my heart really was. Every time I was there I just felt so at peace and more myself. If it wasn't for my husband, I probably would be living there now.

But now, with Dylan in my life, I realized something wonderful. That need to make a change, live at the beach... searching to constantly up the anti on my happiness meter... it was put to rest as soon as I had the baby. Everything just fell right into place and I had a whole new perspective on life. Within a matter of seconds, holding my baby for the first time I was more at peace with my life than I ever have been. All of the pieces just fit.

My life became much clearer and I realized how blessed I am to have the life I do. My family and Jons family - right down the street, there to help with the baby. Surrounded by friends I have known and loved my entire life, all only a phone call away. Living in a town that I have grown up in, know the ins and outs of just about everywhere. Life had been pretty good to me and now its only gotten better.

My home, my happiness and peace is upstairs sleeping in his nursery right now. And as Dorthy would say, if I ever feel the need to go searching for my hearts desire again, I just need to look in my own backyard... or in my case... the room across the hall.

baby shower gifts...

So I used to ask this all the time when I was pregnant, now I get asked it all the time. Whether you are embarking on the daunting task of registering for your baby shower, or you are not sure what to get as a gift for the next baby shower you attend... here are a few suggestions:






#1 - The Swing! $150
I literally use this every two hours and is the only place Dylan will sleep through the night


#2 - Bouncy Seat $50
We didn't register for this, thinking the swing and the seat were basically the same thing. Nope! This is where Dylan sits anytime that we are not holding him... we take it room to room with us... really we could probably have 2 of them.


#3- Excersaucer.. $90
Dylan is just starting to use this, but it keeps him preoccupied for a good amount of time. I put it in the kitchen with me and it keep his attention long enough for me to cook dinner or do the dishes, and I know from other moms that he'll just start to like it more and more as he gets older



#4- Light Up Mobile $40
When i was pregnant I bought the cute Pottery Barn mobile that matched his bedding for his crib. Which he likes, but its wind up and only stays on for about 5 mins. There is a much better one that we bought after we brought him home that lights up and plays songs and lasts for 20 mins. Plus it has a remote that you can restart at a distance... if the mom to be registered for a designer mobile like mine, or totally left that off... get her one and she will thank you later... you can find it at babys r us


#5- Pack & Play WITH changing table attached $150
From day 1 we have used this thing all day. Its great to put downstairs and have the ability to change babys diaper without having to walk up and down the stairs all day long. We also got the one that has the shade you can pull up, which we've never had it outside - but as he has gotten older we can hang the little brightly colored rings from it and it keeps him entertained.


#6- Sound Machine $40
I got this at a shower and was utterly confused. I thought it was so nice, but also thought that I would get more use out of it than the baby. Well... again this is part of my sleep baby sleep blog, but we keep this on at all times in his room on "rain" and it helps him sleep. any help we can get for that right!


#7 - Boppy $40
We used this A LOT when Dylan was a newborn, we just laid him on it on the bed and basically stared at him for hours. But it also comes in handy when you are tired at night and feel like you can barely hold the baby to feed him... you just wrap it around yourself and hold the baby on top of it, gives you support to hold baby up.

#8 - Car Seat / Stroller
Obviously you can't go anywhere without the baby anymore, so you def need one of these!

#9 - Monitor
We have two, one that is just sound and the other that is video. If you can get both do, if you have to choose def the video! You'll soon find out you don't want to leave baby alone to even sleep, so having the video puts your mind at ease.

#10 - Baby Saftey & Grooming Kit
These come complete with thermometer, baby nail clippers & the booger bulb (as I call it, not sure what the better name for it is) - We def get a ton of use out of all of those.



Some other items that I get a lot of use out of: Baby Bath, play rings, Rockabye Baby CD, Baby Shakespeare and you really can never have enough diapers, wipes, bibs, socks and bottles. Clothes are always great, we really loved the sleep sacks that either have no bottom or zip up. Makes late night diaper changes much easier. Advice on clothing and diapers, buy size 1 or 2 diapers and 3-6mth or 6-9mth clothing because most people get you newborn stuff at showers.
And you could also get a gift certificate to a local grocery store, most people register at babys r us and target, but those are the last places most of us go for refills on formula, diapers, etc because Food Lion is closer.

I'm sure as baby gets older these items will change, but for now... these are the things I use constantly and could not live without! If the higher priced items are too much for you to buy alone as a gift, I highly recommend going in with a few friends to get them for your special preggo friend.

Another nice thought if you are going to a shower, get a little something for mommy too as a side present. Suggestions: Prenatal Vitamins (One A Days), gift cert to maternity store, "Belly Laughs" a book by Jenny McCarthy, body pillow, Coco Butter cream, gift certificate for a maternity massage, gift certificate to her favorite resturant, gift cert for pedicure (because trust me, she's not doing her toes herself anymore)


**Shower Hostess Tip: Pre-purchase thank you cards and stamp the envelopes. Leave the cards out so the guests can fill one out with their address on it. That way the mom to be just has to write the note and drop it in the ready made envelope! This is great for bridal showers too:)

games to play with baby

Being home with the baby all day may seem like an ideal situation. No working, get to spend quality time with your child as the primary care giver. I am going to write a little something about working mom vs. at home mom, but that is not what this entry is about today. Really, its about the reality that when you have an infant to care for, there isn't really much you can do during the day. He can't sit up, is just now holding his head up, doesn't crawl... obviously no walking or talking, so aside from plopping him in front of the tv in his little bouncy seat - what the heck is there to do?

This is the thinking that took me to the book store and resulted in a variety of baby books. One in particular specifically about little games to play with your baby for the first year and is split up in sections by age. Its called Baby Play & Learn and there are some great ideas in here. Some are totally stupid like... "point your finger at the baby, make a buzzing sound and touch your finger to his nose" - great thanks I didn't know that one when I was 6 years old playing with my cousin.

But I did find some good ones that I have put to use and I thought I'd share them. I'll tell you the good ones as we get older to, but from the 0-3 mths and 3-6 mths section here are a couple he likes:

1) Belly Scoot Game: Put the baby on his belly (obviously on a blanket or something), put a colorful toy out of arms reach but so he can see it and encourage the baby to reach for the toy. This game helps them develop cause and effect skills, motor work and pre-crawling exercize.

2) Shooting Stars: Lay baby on back, hold a Pom Pom (or another really soft toy) above his head so he sees it, count to 3 and on 3 drop the toy on his belly. Learning Skills: Anticipation, eye/hand coordination, social interaction and visual tracking and acuity. ***I didn't think this one would go over well with him, but I now think its his favorite and after only a few days he is actually trying to catch the ball... not successfully of course but the fact that he is trying is exciting.

3)Boat Ride: Place the baby on top of 2 soft large blankets on the floor, take an edge of the blanket and slowly walk the baby around the room. You kind of need a visual for this one and I couldn't find one... but picture the game where you grabbed our dads ankle and he dragged you around the room. Now replace the ankle with the blanket and make sure baby is on his back! Learning Skills: Balance and Exploration

Those are the few that we have tried so far that he seems to enjoy long enough to make it actually fill up some time between eating, burping and pooping:) As we practice more I'll fill you in... but he is waking up now so blogging time appears to be over!

Guess this is our life now...

About three years ago we bought our first home. It was the perfect set up for a young couple, complete with a pool in the backyard and a garage fit for a beer pong/ flip cup table to be envied. We spend summers on our boat, at the beach, going to concerts on a whim... really whatever we fancied at that moment - nothing was holding us back.



Over and over again during my pregnancy I was told that those days were over, usually with a smircky laugh from someone speaking from experience. It was something I told myself would not happen to us. Our baby was going to enhance our lives, not take away from it. Guess what... I was right... and I was wrong.

No we are not spending weekends boating, nor are we enjoying lazy afternoons by our pool. You can't bring a baby on a boat and you don't want to spend a valuable daddy son day without the baby so you can selfishly go on your boat. We still go to the beach, but now that means sitting in your beach house, rather than on the actual beach. So yes, for now it does look like those days are over.

But I never experienced one moment on the boat that filled me with such joy as when I see my son smile. This is a new venture for him, smiling, so we are still overjoyed when he flashes us his pearly... gums:) And honestly each time I think tears come to my eyes... and the same goes for my husband. We do still get use out of our pool, but these days its usually around 6pm and the pool time lasts only about 20 minutes. But I have never laughed more in that pool than when Dylan was kicking and splashing around in his daddy's arms.

Last weekend we had two parties to go to. Luckily the first one grandma was able to watch the baby for a few hours so we could attend. We were chatting with friends about the life of having a baby and how now one of us is the designated "sober parent" whenever we go out. Of course you can't both be drunk and care for your baby properly, heaven forbid he get sick while you have been drinking and need to go to the hospital. That along with the fact that you really need to be 100% focused 100% of the time with your baby, being drunk while feeding your child his bottle is just unacceptable parenting... I think most of us can agree on that.

So we mentioned this new rule we have to our childless friends and recieved responses like "that sucks" "having a baby sounds not fun at all"... the typical responses you would expect from those without children. Its times like that I just smile to myself... we created a human being, one that we are completely responsible for molding and shaping, one that with a single smile brings tears to our eyes, a little baby that has changed our life in a way that is different in countless wonderful ways. Yes there are a few ways that have changed that are not ideal, but it was worth the trade.

Today is the day after the 4th of July, one of the countries designated big party holidays. I've been up since 6am playing peek-a-boo, doing belly time, tickling the baby becuase he's just started giggling, a mini little photoshoot with him cuddled up next to our boxer. We are going to take the baby to the farmers market today, walk around as a family and buy fresh produce. We probably will eat lunch together somewhere new, take a walk with the dogs, maybe an evening swim with the baby and then probably a movie night with Jon after the baby goes to bed. Gone are the days of late night parties and all day hangovers... looks like its now the days of quality time as a family, doing things we never ever would do the day after 4th of july....happy and smiling together enjoying every minute... sounds cheesy i know... but sounds nice too...

guess this is our life now.

To breastfeed; or not to breastfeed

Kind of a controversal topic. Some mothers are so passionate about it they secretly, or sometimes openly, condemn other mothers who do not breastfeed. Then there are the women who try and after a bit conclude: its not for them. And then there are the women like me who really didn't have much of a choice.

Before pregnancy I was a DD cup size... during pregnancy I reached bra sizes that I didn't even know existed. My boobs were so enormous even the maternity stores didn't carry a size that fit my extra large melons. I went to Dillards and basically asked for the biggest cup size they had... which is difficult because usually those huge cup sizes are reserved for the larger ladies. So finding a size huge cup size and a size medium bra, was a feat in itself. The nice lady who worked there had to search the racks up and down and finally found the single bra that would work best... and best wasn't exactly a fit, but it worked.

Flashforward 4 days after giving birth and holy melons. Literally... when my milk came in melons really is an understatement, by breasts were literally bigger than my head. Literally. No wonder my poor tiny baby screamed uncontrollably every time he was placed near my breast to feed. He was scared to death, he was being forced onto something 10x the size of his own body.

In order for me to even hold him to my breast I needed a third hand. I had to hold my single breat with two hands so that I would not sufficate the poor thing. This is no exaggeration. Those hospitals are smart, they only put mirrors in the bathrooms that go from the shoulders up. Because I had no idea the extent of my gargantuamness until I got home to my evil full length mirror. As my sister put it, i looked like a fertility goddess.



So it was not a hard decision to realize that it was not going to be physically possible to feed him on the breast. But of course I wanted to give my baby the best nutrition I could offer, so my next venture was the wonderful world of pumping. ugh! You are supposed to pump every two hours and each pumping session lasted about 30-45 minutes.

Lets put aside the 1970's machine I rented from the pediatrician that makes you feel like a milk cow. I won't factor in the rawness the pumping does to your nipples or the issue of prolonging the "can'ts". Really, what was the worst of it was that it rendered me completely useless every hour and a half. I couldn't hold the baby while pumping, I couldn't change a diaper while pumping, I couldn't do anything for him while pumping. Yes, I was pumping for him, but when babies have needs they are immediate...babies don't hold of screaming until you are done pumping. And sure, I tried to wait until he was napping or content, but we all know that those moments don't exactly last 30 mins as we would like.

After a week of pumping I made another decision: thats it, its not happening, dylan is going to be a formula baby. Of course ideally I wanted him to have my breastmilk. I know that its better for his digestion and some studies show that it keeps bacteria out of their stomachs, that may be a cause of SIDS. And then there is the fact that its free and a natural way to get the baby weight off. There are all kinds of benefits... but if pumping is your only option and you are home alone with the baby, you have to have nerves of steel to make it work. I am not one of those women. I was frazzled to say the least and it was beginning to effect my mood around my son, my husband and family. The pump was quite literally sucking the life out of me.

This was my journey and choice. Dylan is now on the top of the line formula, I have researched and it is the next best thing to breastmilk. No formula completely mimics breastmilk, but this is the closest I could find. I hope it doesn't come across like I am trying to explain myself because I don't really feel like I owe anyone explanation. But if you find yourself in a similar situation and breastfeeding just isn't working, don't beat yourself up about it. If like me it is something that is making you feel emotionally miserable, believe me that is translating to your child. If mama isn't happy, baby isn't happy. It was my personal choice to focus on being happy and making sure my baby was happy and to stop forcing myself to do something that just wasn't working.