Dare to be happy

I've been practicing a little experiment lately and since it has seemed to have made an enormous positive impact on my life, I thought I'd share. Maybe it will serve as inspiration to some of the people who read this, if nothing else it can be my own personal reminder in case I forget.

I do a lot of thinking in a day, mostly to myself since I am no longer surrounded by co-workers and Dylans only really mastered the word "dada". Which at first may sound maddening to some of you, but coming from a work enviorment of mostly women - I welcomed the opportunity to hear my own thoughts again. To form my own opinions about random things that are no influenced by other thoughts or opinions, I think it has helped me become a stronger individual. One of my own little personal theories I have been pondering over is the theory that some people, just love to be miserable. That some people, many people if you ask me, choose to be negative instead of positive. That most people don't realize if they find themselves miserable or negative all the time - its a product of their own doing. That they have the choice. I think as a culture, we all crave happiness - but are deep down afraid of it.

Before you jump to your own defense in your mind, why don't you ask yourself a few questions. When you get home, how do you describe your day to your significant other? Long? Busy? Stressful? Boring?.....

What about when someone asks you how've been? Is your response...busy? tired? fine?

How about someone asking you your plans for the holidays? hectic? crazy as ever? bracing yourself for "all that family"?

My point here is, when you are asked anything about anything about you... do your responses lean toward the negative? Maybe don't answer this question yet. Maybe do what I did and just start to keep tabs on yourself. I noticed that my typical responses to almost any question asked about me leaned towards...tired, busy or stressed. 9 times out of 10... probably unless you asked my how my spa day went, you would get one of those responses. So if you find yourself in a poopy slump right now, start with this step... step 1... notice yourself.

I'd say I experimented with this for a few weeks. When I noticed that my own responses were on the debbie downer side of the spectrum, I decided to challenge myself. When someone asked me about my day, my response was going to be positive. I'd search my backlog of the day and find the best part about it, and respond with that in mind. So when Jon got home from work and asked how the day went, instead of saying "long, fussy and i didn't get half the stuff done i wanted to" I went for "we went for a nice walk and a leave fell in dylans stroller and he was mesmorized by it the entire time - it was so cute" ....

I started doing this for a few days and then I noticed myself planning my day around what my positive "thing" was going to be that day. Whether it was a walk, time on a blanket outside, good work out at the gym, teaching dylan xmas songs... I really started to focus on those things. What happened magically was my primary focus in the present moment shifted from tired, stressed or busy... to content, in tune... happy. Of course I had to catch myself when asked general questions, and still I do, but I force myself to swallow all the business of my perseptions and respond with anything but those descriptions I used to use. Once I started projecting a slower, happier, more restful image of myself... I actually started to feel that way too. Whats great, is that I didn't feel guilty for it either. Afterall, I was working for this, I was choosing happiness...

I think we all get stressed by the predictable, when why should we let that stress us out? Its predictable the mall will be packed this time of year... plan to be there a while, bring your ipad and don't let it bother you. Don't beat yourself up that you didn't get everything done sooner, or fight the urge to push people out of your way... just plan to be there a while and go with the flow. Isn't life fast enough already without us placing this burden on ourselves to be in a hurry all the time?

Whether you are a working woman, working mom or stay at home mom - we all have things that are completely predictable that we allow to add to our stress level. This is my 3rd step in the process... don't let the predictable have so much power. We all know that us women set the tone in our families, if we are stressed or in a bad mood, we will surely be more stressed soon because our husbands will pout because we don't flitter up to him after a long day and hand him his slippers and cocktail. Not that any of us actually do that, but really to the guys a pleasant happy wife is just as good. If we are negative, our families are going to feed off that and then guess what girls... you will find yourself in an even worse mood. So if the baby poops his diaper just as you get him strapped in the carseat, remember... you are the one that just fed him prunes an hour ago. Prunes mean poop... this is a completely predictable situation. Don't let it throw you in a tizzy.

Do you travel a lot for work and get so worked up when your flights are delayed? Are you in customer service and cry every time you get an upset customer?
Is your day filled with appointments & you have to deal with people canceling on you last minute?

These are just some examples, but if you know its going to happen... don't let it ruin your entire day. This is something that takes work, practice and effort - but its not easier said that done. You just have to make ourselve aware of your own predictable avalanches & then challenge yourself to approach them differently. Be aware of the snowball effect your mind has on your day, if you let one thing get under your skin to the point of anger or stress... the rest of your day is shot to hell.


Life is one day at a time... we are only sure of this moment, why should we allow it to be a negative one. As humans we do have the ability to choose our state of mind most of the time. Sure, there are going to be wreches thrown in our day that we didn't see coming. You get a flat tire on the way to work, you get to the end of a log line only to realize you forgot your wallet, your dog peed all over your new rug... we have our own natural reactions to these things... but try if you can to allow your emotions to come through and then move on. Surpressing the urge to scream to the fucking dog that he is going back to the boxer farm from which he came... is only asking for a heart attack. of course I am not advocating animal abuse, sure there is a point of restraint here, don't go grabing the frying pan to teach him a lesson... but if you need to throw out a f*** you to the world... do it. But don't let that go to waste, let it be your release. Again... please don't go cursing the cop who pulled you over for speeding and direct him my way as to why you did it... but i think once you are driving away in the safety of your car (windows rolled up) yelling a little something to your rear view mirror might make you feel better. But let it roll off your back, remember... all you have is this moment. If it was your last, would you want it to be reeling in the tragedy of a speeding ticket?


So my 4 step challege to you is:

1. Acknowledge your true state of conciousness by becoming aware of your responses...
2. Challenge yourself to project positivity to others & focus on the good parts of your day
3. Don't let the predictable ruin your day
4. When the unpredicable happens, allow your natural reactions to come out... and then remember to find your balance again.

I've been trying this stuff out and I feel like I am happier in all aspects of my life. And I feel like people around me are happier to be around me, because afterall happy people attract other people. Positivity is infectious... people crave it.

Remember the theory of attraction, that positive energy attracts positive energy & negative energy attracts negative energy. If you want to feel happier, be happier. Maybe this will work for you, it works for me. I feel like I have a happy baby, happy husband, happy family, happy friends.... they at least seem happier to me anyway. I think that its because I am happier around them... and I think its because of these 4 little steps I created.

So... maybe I should write a book... I think I'll call it "Betsy's Secret" ;) Original right? :)