I knew that motherhood was going to have its challenges and that my life would drastically change. Along the way I really can't say that many of the changes I have missed so far. Sure, I miss a few girls nights, have to cancel on people last minute (which I hate to do) for various baby related reasons. All in all, I don't really miss those things... well not so much I'd go back and do anything different.
However, I wish someone had told me about the little things... things I hadn't really prepared myself for. These are not life altering big things, no... they are things like clippling a tiny little babies finger & toe nails. Don't really think about that when you are daydreaming about nursery themes or baby names. But that shit is not easy. First of all... I am the only one who will do it. Not my huband, not my mother or sister (the later two just bite them off... to me way worse) - but its a task I am always and forever assigned to. I remember the first time that I went to cut his little nails and he was smiling at me, so innocently, no clue what he was in store for. I tried to keep eye contact with him so he wouldn't see the glistening metal clippers headed for his tiny fingers. But it didn't work, he flinched and of course we had a bleeder. And a cryer. I've gotten better over the last 8 months, but I still dread finger clipping day.
What about trips to the store? Think thats just a day at the zoo right.. nope, not at first. The very first time I took Dylan shopping, I took him to Kohls. I was so proud of myself for getting him in the car seat, secure into the base of the car and off we went. I parked the car, popped the back to get out the stroller... and you would have thought I was a circus act while the people passing by stared at my trying to get that damn stroller open. Which I never did... I just started crying, pretended to the lastest batch of passer bys that I was just now ending shopping trip as I threw the thing back into my car.
Or the first trip to the grocery store alone. You can't push a stroller & a cart at the same time, so what the heck are you supposed to do with the baby while you shop? For the first couple of trips, I just put the entire car seat into the cart and only got the items I desperately needed... or that could fit around the baby. Bless the vetran mommy I saw one day that had the car seat in the actual basket of the cart, propped on the handle. It was genious.
Other lovely things to think about, taking baby's temperature. we all know how its done, practicing it still makes me flinch. And you have to do it. Or recently, the booger bulb. Dylan and I have our first cold together and our knight in shining armor has fled all the way to the West coast on business. Leaving us to battle this winter cold alone. Dylan hates the booger bulb, hates it. He cries up a storm, while snot bubbles form out his nose. My point of this entire exersice is to eliminate his discomfort, not give him a panic attack. But yet, I am forced to put him through this torture for his own good. Now I have a better understanding of all the times my parents said those exact words to me. Like Dylan, I didn't care then... but probably benefited greatly from those situations. And like me, I am sure my parents hated every second of my discomfort... well, depending on the specific torture. I don't think they shed any tears for those endless two weeks of being grounded for cheating on a test.
Sometimes I definitely feel like I am bumbling through being a mom. Everyone knows I am forgetful, ditsy & clumsy. I am sure there were 100s of moms sharing my personality traits who raised healthy, happy & successful children. I really am enjoying this journey, every day gets better and better. But every day I learn something new... like I shouldn't try to put the baby down into his play pen with toys in my hands as the toys just might slip out of my arms onto the top of my babies head. Luckily... the toys distract the child from their intial impact... but I don't get down on myself about it. My every second of every day is completely consumed with this baby... he fills me up from the inside out with a happiness that has forever changed me. I am calmer, more organized (well... for me) and less preoccupied with trivial things. I am all together the happiest I have ever been. And I know that this is a learning experience, day by day.
I think its important for all moms not to place pressure on themselves to be perfect. I can't help but laugh when I tell Dylan "no" and he laughes histerically at me. its his favorite new joke of mine. I know thats wrong, I know I should be stern and teach him I mean business. And I will... I do... but sometimes I can't help but be human, I mean its so cute. Sure, I accidently poured bath water in his mouth while I was washing his head... he coughed for a second and was fine. moms do things like this all the time, if you think you are the only one - you are way too hard on yourself. Maybe not everyone is candidly honest about it, and its possible I have more clumsy moments that most, but no mom is perfect. No mom has not made mistakes on a daily basis that is a less than shiny example of mother of the year. But I think being calm, letting the little mishaps roll of your back, helps you stay in a peaceful place. And when you are in a place of peace, your child is. Utlimately, isn't that all we really want for our kids? Peace of heart? Maybe its just me... but that is at the end of the day all that really matters. Just master the art of distraction and you will be just fine:)
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