It is such a beautiful day today! Its the first day in what seems like 10 million days that the sun is shining and you can actually break out the rainbows. Dylan and I have nothing that has to get done today, which is the first day in weeks that we have a free day.
When I was pregnant I got a great piece of advice from a stay at home mom I met at another friends baby shower. She told me that I needed to make it a priority to get out of the house, at least once a day. To be honest, the first 6 mths accomplishing that was extremely difficult. You wouldn't think it would be, but babies have a very tight schedule. They nap every 2 hours, when they get up you have to change them, feed them and then once you are done with that you really only have an hour before they need to go back down again. If you can squeeze a quick trip to the grocery store or Target in that hour - you are lucky. But then its almost not worth it because you are rushing through everything to get home again before your cute little ticking time bomb goes off. One day, I was smack in the middle of target with a half full cart and just picked the baby up and had to leave the store. When babies are ready to go, they let you and everyone else in the store know it.
Now that he is almost a year, we have gotten ourselves down to about 2 naps a day. He usually takes a morning nap and an afternoon nap, so from the hours of 11ish to 3ish - we can do whatever we want! Since it is so beautiful today, my plan is to grab a blanket and sit outside for a while. Then after lunch, I'm gonna load him up and I am thinking we will walk around the new LaFayette Village - try and make it over to the spice market.
Lately I find myself thinking it all must be a dream, that I am about to wake up. Eight years ago my husband was this hot boy I went to highschool with that I had a severe crush / obsession with and for an entire year chased around Wilmington. Now... he is the man that surprises me on Valentines Day with trips to top rated Spas, beautiful dinners & champagne and strawberries. I wake up to him every morning playing with our baby, tickling him and making him laugh the way only daddy can. A year ago I was in a job that was fulfilling in many ways, but emotionally exhausting to the point that I had to shut myself off when I wasn't at work. Now, while I miss work... I am totally free to embrace all my life has to offer me. Its a wonderful blessing... I feel like I am in one of those stages of life where you are just praying that when that shoe drops eventually... it won't happen for a while. That you can just hang onto this moment... indefinitely.
I don't really feel guilty about being happy either. Its a great feeling, that didn't come without a cost. Now that I do feel so blessed I look back on the last 2 or 3 yrs and realize how unhappy I really was. How disconnected from myself I was. For me, the thing that saved me was having a baby. It was physically & emotionally the hardest thing that I ever endured, but most things in life that are worth a damn usually are not easily obtained. So I am proud of myself for the choices I made and the path I chose for myself, and for the determination to get to this place come hell or high water. Even in the darkest days of my post pardum, I knew that I was going to never be one of those people who cry in their beer and feel sorry for themselves. Life truly is what you make of it... its all about choices... good, bad, hard and easy... your state of being is a direct result of those choices. Even if your choice is to deliberately and shamelessly follow a boy around that you are in love with until they give up and let you win. Sometimes crazy pays off... sometimes in totally backfires on you... but taking risks means you are making a choice to accept the pain that may follow if you fail.
I think that having the baby is just what changed my life, but it doesn't mean that having a baby does this for everyone... but there is something that does bring everyone to this place. The thing is... whatever that thing is... its individual. Its different for everyone, it changes for everyone depending on what stage of life you are in. It may be choosing to go back to school, or deciding that you don't want to be a salesperson anymore - you want to be a golf pro. It all comes down to knowing what that "thing" is for you and going for it.... identifying your lifechangingly good "thing" and then deciding to take the leap.... win or loose.
Today I am going to spend the day soaking in my blessing, being thankful for the stage of life that I am in and enjoying it. I'm going to bug Jon all day to take off work early until I see him walk through the front door... play with the baby and sit outside for as much of this beautiful day as I can.
No comments:
Post a Comment