A good year....

Since I think this is going to be my last blog of 2011, I think I will end it with one of my favorite quotes...

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they are right, you believe less so you eventually learn to trust yourself above all others, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together" --- Marilyn Monroe.

and then just a few of my favorite pictures of 2010...

Yep... ok that pretty much sums it up. babies, weddings, funerals, long awaited engagements, holidays, beach, snow... dreams come true... don't think i could have said it any better.

thank you 2010... you brought me tears, smiles, laughs and surprises. 2011... you have a lot to live up to.

Dare to be happy

I've been practicing a little experiment lately and since it has seemed to have made an enormous positive impact on my life, I thought I'd share. Maybe it will serve as inspiration to some of the people who read this, if nothing else it can be my own personal reminder in case I forget.

I do a lot of thinking in a day, mostly to myself since I am no longer surrounded by co-workers and Dylans only really mastered the word "dada". Which at first may sound maddening to some of you, but coming from a work enviorment of mostly women - I welcomed the opportunity to hear my own thoughts again. To form my own opinions about random things that are no influenced by other thoughts or opinions, I think it has helped me become a stronger individual. One of my own little personal theories I have been pondering over is the theory that some people, just love to be miserable. That some people, many people if you ask me, choose to be negative instead of positive. That most people don't realize if they find themselves miserable or negative all the time - its a product of their own doing. That they have the choice. I think as a culture, we all crave happiness - but are deep down afraid of it.

Before you jump to your own defense in your mind, why don't you ask yourself a few questions. When you get home, how do you describe your day to your significant other? Long? Busy? Stressful? Boring?.....

What about when someone asks you how've been? Is your response...busy? tired? fine?

How about someone asking you your plans for the holidays? hectic? crazy as ever? bracing yourself for "all that family"?

My point here is, when you are asked anything about anything about you... do your responses lean toward the negative? Maybe don't answer this question yet. Maybe do what I did and just start to keep tabs on yourself. I noticed that my typical responses to almost any question asked about me leaned towards...tired, busy or stressed. 9 times out of 10... probably unless you asked my how my spa day went, you would get one of those responses. So if you find yourself in a poopy slump right now, start with this step... step 1... notice yourself.

I'd say I experimented with this for a few weeks. When I noticed that my own responses were on the debbie downer side of the spectrum, I decided to challenge myself. When someone asked me about my day, my response was going to be positive. I'd search my backlog of the day and find the best part about it, and respond with that in mind. So when Jon got home from work and asked how the day went, instead of saying "long, fussy and i didn't get half the stuff done i wanted to" I went for "we went for a nice walk and a leave fell in dylans stroller and he was mesmorized by it the entire time - it was so cute" ....

I started doing this for a few days and then I noticed myself planning my day around what my positive "thing" was going to be that day. Whether it was a walk, time on a blanket outside, good work out at the gym, teaching dylan xmas songs... I really started to focus on those things. What happened magically was my primary focus in the present moment shifted from tired, stressed or busy... to content, in tune... happy. Of course I had to catch myself when asked general questions, and still I do, but I force myself to swallow all the business of my perseptions and respond with anything but those descriptions I used to use. Once I started projecting a slower, happier, more restful image of myself... I actually started to feel that way too. Whats great, is that I didn't feel guilty for it either. Afterall, I was working for this, I was choosing happiness...

I think we all get stressed by the predictable, when why should we let that stress us out? Its predictable the mall will be packed this time of year... plan to be there a while, bring your ipad and don't let it bother you. Don't beat yourself up that you didn't get everything done sooner, or fight the urge to push people out of your way... just plan to be there a while and go with the flow. Isn't life fast enough already without us placing this burden on ourselves to be in a hurry all the time?

Whether you are a working woman, working mom or stay at home mom - we all have things that are completely predictable that we allow to add to our stress level. This is my 3rd step in the process... don't let the predictable have so much power. We all know that us women set the tone in our families, if we are stressed or in a bad mood, we will surely be more stressed soon because our husbands will pout because we don't flitter up to him after a long day and hand him his slippers and cocktail. Not that any of us actually do that, but really to the guys a pleasant happy wife is just as good. If we are negative, our families are going to feed off that and then guess what girls... you will find yourself in an even worse mood. So if the baby poops his diaper just as you get him strapped in the carseat, remember... you are the one that just fed him prunes an hour ago. Prunes mean poop... this is a completely predictable situation. Don't let it throw you in a tizzy.

Do you travel a lot for work and get so worked up when your flights are delayed? Are you in customer service and cry every time you get an upset customer?
Is your day filled with appointments & you have to deal with people canceling on you last minute?

These are just some examples, but if you know its going to happen... don't let it ruin your entire day. This is something that takes work, practice and effort - but its not easier said that done. You just have to make ourselve aware of your own predictable avalanches & then challenge yourself to approach them differently. Be aware of the snowball effect your mind has on your day, if you let one thing get under your skin to the point of anger or stress... the rest of your day is shot to hell.


Life is one day at a time... we are only sure of this moment, why should we allow it to be a negative one. As humans we do have the ability to choose our state of mind most of the time. Sure, there are going to be wreches thrown in our day that we didn't see coming. You get a flat tire on the way to work, you get to the end of a log line only to realize you forgot your wallet, your dog peed all over your new rug... we have our own natural reactions to these things... but try if you can to allow your emotions to come through and then move on. Surpressing the urge to scream to the fucking dog that he is going back to the boxer farm from which he came... is only asking for a heart attack. of course I am not advocating animal abuse, sure there is a point of restraint here, don't go grabing the frying pan to teach him a lesson... but if you need to throw out a f*** you to the world... do it. But don't let that go to waste, let it be your release. Again... please don't go cursing the cop who pulled you over for speeding and direct him my way as to why you did it... but i think once you are driving away in the safety of your car (windows rolled up) yelling a little something to your rear view mirror might make you feel better. But let it roll off your back, remember... all you have is this moment. If it was your last, would you want it to be reeling in the tragedy of a speeding ticket?


So my 4 step challege to you is:

1. Acknowledge your true state of conciousness by becoming aware of your responses...
2. Challenge yourself to project positivity to others & focus on the good parts of your day
3. Don't let the predictable ruin your day
4. When the unpredicable happens, allow your natural reactions to come out... and then remember to find your balance again.

I've been trying this stuff out and I feel like I am happier in all aspects of my life. And I feel like people around me are happier to be around me, because afterall happy people attract other people. Positivity is infectious... people crave it.

Remember the theory of attraction, that positive energy attracts positive energy & negative energy attracts negative energy. If you want to feel happier, be happier. Maybe this will work for you, it works for me. I feel like I have a happy baby, happy husband, happy family, happy friends.... they at least seem happier to me anyway. I think that its because I am happier around them... and I think its because of these 4 little steps I created.

So... maybe I should write a book... I think I'll call it "Betsy's Secret" ;) Original right? :)

Blessings....

I can't think of another word to title this entry other than blessings. I am sure I could get creative, but once everything is said that I need to say, I think you will agree this is the best word to describe it all.

Every year Jon and I host a donation drive around Thanksgiving, this year we decided to switch it up a bit and instead of donating to the Rescue Mission we chose Interact - an organization that assists women & children subject to abuse. So it was all one twist of fate and google session that led me to volunteering for their Holiday Bazaar this past Saturday. I offered my photography services to take portraits of the mothers & children as they came in to collect Christmas presents for each other.

Its a really great set up. About 100 families are nominated by their case workers to come in and join this bazaar. Good hearted fortunate people all over the area donate unwrapped toys for children of all ages and this year they even added a bonus for the mamas. They asked for gift baskets of lotions & make up, etc, for the kids to pick out a present for their moms. Before everyone left they got to gift wrap their gifts and take a picture together.

When I first arrived my mind was in total photographer mode. I was horrified that the backdrop was not going to be the right size, the lighting was atrocious (sp?!) & I really should have brought props. I had envisioned this entire event outdoors (not sure why since its winter) and so I felt under prepared. Then the printer that they had set up there was a kodak quick printer, which is not known for quality and on top of that the ink was leaning towards yellow so my pictures were printing off tone. This was my total focus the first hour, I couldn't escape my nature, I was there as a professional photographer and I felt like I was holding up my end of the bargain.

As I am reeling through my brain how to fix these minor set backs, one of the volunteers comes up to me and pulls me aside. I found myself hoping that maybe she wanted to hire me for some time in the future, but instead she snaps me back into reality. She says "I just have to tell you, I was walking around with one of the women you just photographed and she told me that before she got here she was really down, not in the holiday spirit. But she told me that you really brightened her day and brought her back into the Christmas spirit, she is all smiles right now and she said it was because of your cheerfulness."

Oh... right.. this is why I am here. Not getting paid, not to advance my career, not to give myself any pats on the back. I am here for these women. Which walking into the place, I was well aware of, however I supposed due to a series of unfortunate photographer nightmares - I had gotten sidetracked. Well I wanted to cry at that point, but held it together and decided that I was going to stop being focused on the artisitc nature of my pictures and instead - my cheerful spirit.

"Next!!" I yelled in my best jolly happy Betsy tone. There was afterall a waiting room of about 40 people and at least 100 more to go after that.

I wouldnt' go so far to say that 100% of these women were desperate for help. But I would say 95%. I don't think you can escape the small number of people who take advantage of these systems, but at the same time, who's to judge.

Every time a new family appeared before me, I wondered about them. What brought them here, how far into their situation are they... are they safe now.. are they still in trouble... can I make them smile... and some I honestly could not. There were a few who stand out to me that no matter how many times I asked, in no matter how jolly of a tone... I couldn't not get a smile from.

There are two families that stand out to me most. Two women that I will never forget, as long as I live and I believe I was destined my whole life just to meet. They have made an enormous impact on me, funny... I thought I was supossed to be impacting them. They both may feel worthless & weak, but I wish there was a way for me to tell them how they changed me, how they have added to my life in just a brief encounter. Since I can't, I will tell you.

April & her three girls come and stand in front of the frosty the snow man backdrop. Immediately I feel connected to her since my bday is in April, I don't believe in coincedences. She is a bigger lady, but with a pretty face... her girls are supermodel material between the ages of 8-15. April is sad, sweet, but sad. And I can see in her daughters faces, she has a tendancy to lash out. I don't think she is abusive to her girls, but they were on their best behavior & I felt that the oldest girl was a mother to all of them, including April. April did not want her picture taken, but since she did not have a picture (not one, not one picture at all) of the 4 of them together, she agreed reluctently.

I tried a variety of poses, I was only allowed 3 snaps for each family & I broke this rule twice... this was the first time. My heart wanted them to have a picture they loved, a picture that April looked at and felt happy. So I took a few, printed them and handed them to her. She looked disappointed, aside from the printer issue, her angle wasn't the best. I had her body in it and it looked true to life... she was having a very difficult time mustering up a smile so the best one I could get was a forced half smile, that ended up being more of a double chin. And for some reason... her lips turned blue from the ink. Again, I don't believe in coincedences... so because of this ink failure I was allowed to reshoot them all together. While they changed the ink cartridge I had several extra minutes... and a new idea. I was going to have her sit down and have the girls all bring their faces in cheek to cheek with each other. I was going to tell them the entire time how beautiful they were and that I was sending these pictures to America's next top model... and there... I got it.

When I printed the picture off, I printed an extra one in black and white for her. She looked at it and looked back at me with soft eyes, filled with thank you from her heart & hugged me. This woman didn't really seem like a hugger... but I got one. She walked out of the room happy... her girls were instantly cheerful that mom was smiling. I had to hold it together... this was only 10am and I was here until 3pm... I thought that woman was going to be the stand out of my day... until about 12pm...

I was kneeling down on the floor, working on my lens, when I glanced up and saw an oversized plaid sweatshirt. It was so big it could have filled up the entire room, but it was drapping off this smaller white lady. I focused on her for a second and in her face I saw someone that if you brushed her hair and put a shiny silver necklace on her, you wouldn't be able to tell her apart from any other country club wife. Of course, you'd also have to change her out of this wretched outfit, but she just didn't seem to fit in by the looks of her with the rest of this large group.

Because she was standing behind a table I couldn't really see what she was leaning on, until she began to push Tyler's stroller around to me. My heart cracked, tears welted up and it was all I could do not to jerk this baby out of his stroller and run out the room. I would just take him to my house, raise him with Dylan, happy and clean.

Hope smiled at me and told me she didn't realize they were having their picture taken today, if she had known she would have dressed better. She turns to Tyler and he gives her an unsure glance, not unsure of her, in the way they looked at it each it seemed clear they were each others safety net. She lifted him out of his stroller and he looked around the room with eyes that just seemed to speak. As if he was this old soul checking out his scene, making sure it was ok to smile. Then mommy gives him a big kiss and he knew it was. I got smiles from him. Smiles from her... she asked me to excuse the dirty on his little pale yellow ducky sleeper. They had just been playing everywhere that day, that cold and rainy day.

Somewhere in my mind, I thought for a brief second that if I could just keep them there and continue to take their pictures, I could keep them safe. There was one picture that I got, that I have saved, that she looked straight through the camera, straight to me. We shared a connection as mothers in this instant. I knew in my heart how much she loved her baby, how lost she was in her situation & how deeply she wanted to give her baby what I can give mine. I didn't feel envy, just like her soul wanted to step inside mine and be that kind of mother, not for her, for Tyler.

I've said throughout this blog that we mothers are in a sisterhood. For some reason up until this day, I pictured this sisterhood women who have the good fortune of being able to be picky with their babies food. Who even have the option to make their babies food from stratch, should they so please. Who can discriminate against products that are not BPA free... that can buy the little comfort items for their $300 car seats and go to the pediatrician for every little new quirk they see in their baby. Women, mothers, like me...

Hope lives in a trailer, with her abusive husband, her baby rides around in a stroller that was clearly someone elses trash from the 80's and no more than $10 when it was bought new. I don't think they have access to a bath, or they don't have that access very often. They for sure don't have a washing machine and there are not bins and bins of baby clothes for little Tyler to grow into and out of. He didn't have the top of the line bottle, no paci, no toys - she didn't have a diaper bag. She didn't have her own warm clothes, he didn't have a blanket... they were both wet... no umbrella. She couldn't be further from my life, we couldn't be in more seperate places in our universes... I would have never looked twice at her walking down the street, I would never have ever been in the same place at the same time with her... if I wasn't here today. If I didn't have the opportunity to get to really truly see her, her heart, her soul, I saw all of this through my lens. And what I saw, went straight into my own heart, found itself a little place there and there it will remain until the say I die.

I will save this picture (that due to safety reasons I cannot share with you) and will look at it anytime that I feel I've got it bad. Anytime that Jon and I are in an argument, or that I am tired, or sad, or even when I am happy. I will recall Hope & April often throughout my life to remind me of inner strength, a mothers will and love... of my own blessings.

I've learned a lot about being a mom in these last 9 mths with Dylan. A lot from my own mother, my sister, other mothers I know, books, articles, tv... but Hope & April may have taught me the deepest lesson. That I am able to be the kind of mom who not only can buy the best brands & have the resources to give him the best diet & life plan possible... and that its never something I will take for granted.

For the past several nights I have rocked Dylan to sleep and I think that I found a whole new deeper level of love for him, just in knowing that Jon & I will give him the safest, healthiest & happiest life any child could ever dream of. That while I can't keep every poor & scared baby in this world warm & safe tonight, I can keep my baby warm and safe. Its a true blessing just to have that, to have a man who loves his child and his wife with kindness, and truth and purity. To be the kind of woman who would settle for no less and the kind of mother who kisses her baby good night, puts him in his fancy crib, on his pottery barn sheets & will now feel peace and gratitude in my heart for being this person, with this life.

Thank you April & Hope for reminding me of that. And thank you for your inspiration. And if somehow me writing this can go out into the universe and into your hearts... please remember that you too can be the kind of woman who settles for no less. That no one, no one, can take away your free will and you & your children deserve to be warm and safe at night too. Your impression on me was so strong, stronger than just about anyone I have ever met, you have a strength in you both that if you allowed yourself to see... there would be no stopping you. Universe, please show them if you can.

Readers... hopefully this story will remind you this Christmas that while you are running around spending fortunes for boxes under your tree... and stressed because of mall traffic, not sure what you are going to get people, stressed already that you will be pulled in a million different directions on Christmas Day... that somewhere there is a little one year old boy name Tyler, with a single toy that someone donated, in a trailor with his mom & Christmas day to him is just another day he survived. So kiss your family, slow down and appreciate the hectic lucky shoppers about you, and count your blessings.




Want to help Interact? Click Here http://www.interactofwake.org/donate/

New Baby Gadgets

Just some things I have discovered lately... neat little odds and ends that aren't easy to find, but obviously some genious mom didThe car seat arm pad I just discovered yesterday at the pediatrician. All new moms know that until your baby gets to be about 20 or so pounds, you will tote them around in their car seat. Its the most convenient way to go anywhere, but your arm starts to really hurt. This provides padding and comfort... love it... found it at Silly Goose in Wake Forest NC.

Hands free bottle holder... genious!! One of those things you think "someone should invent that" and then there I was in the elevator at the mall and saw one mom with one. Had to ask her where she got it... she found hers on Amazon.com. Supposedly this was invented for someone with twins, but I can't tell you how many times I have wished for one.

Levanna LV-TW300 Two way Baby monitor... I think I am going to trade mine in this xmas. This thing rocks.... you can talk into the monitor while you are feeding or rocking to sleep and aska your hubby to bring up a blanket or paci, or whatever you forgot... without having to stand up wake the baby. It also is motion sensored so that the video kicks on when the baby makes a sound or moves. The models before this didn't have that option, it was either on or off. Which makes sleeping difficult because you just stare at the monitor waiting to see if the baby is going to move. Found this one on google products...




Baby Shakespeare.... I have mentioned this before, but it is so worth it I will mention it again... this is amazing. I save putting it on for fussy times or right before bed time. Dylan could watch it for 10 straight hours if I let him, without making a peep. Just be warned... this only applies to BABY SHAKESPEARE... of the baby einstein line... NOT MOZART, NOT BETOWVEN... SHAKESPEARE IS THE ONLY ONE YOU NEED TO BUY!! The others just do not captivate him the same at all.



Sprout Baby food... this organic, chemical free, bpa free and made by a gourmet chef. You can find it only at Harris Teeter and I wait for the 10 for $10 days... I feel very safe and confident I am giving Dylan the best food out there with this stuff: http://www.sproutbabyfood.com/stage2.php

Now with the cold weather I am finding it really difficult to find baby hats, mittens & coats. Seems like there are every size out there but his, younger and older. But the 6mths - 18mths stage is impossible to find! I am on a mission and will update when I find the best places for those.

things people just can't prepare you for

I knew that motherhood was going to have its challenges and that my life would drastically change. Along the way I really can't say that many of the changes I have missed so far. Sure, I miss a few girls nights, have to cancel on people last minute (which I hate to do) for various baby related reasons. All in all, I don't really miss those things... well not so much I'd go back and do anything different.

However, I wish someone had told me about the little things... things I hadn't really prepared myself for. These are not life altering big things, no... they are things like clippling a tiny little babies finger & toe nails. Don't really think about that when you are daydreaming about nursery themes or baby names. But that shit is not easy. First of all... I am the only one who will do it. Not my huband, not my mother or sister (the later two just bite them off... to me way worse) - but its a task I am always and forever assigned to. I remember the first time that I went to cut his little nails and he was smiling at me, so innocently, no clue what he was in store for. I tried to keep eye contact with him so he wouldn't see the glistening metal clippers headed for his tiny fingers. But it didn't work, he flinched and of course we had a bleeder. And a cryer. I've gotten better over the last 8 months, but I still dread finger clipping day.

What about trips to the store? Think thats just a day at the zoo right.. nope, not at first. The very first time I took Dylan shopping, I took him to Kohls. I was so proud of myself for getting him in the car seat, secure into the base of the car and off we went. I parked the car, popped the back to get out the stroller... and you would have thought I was a circus act while the people passing by stared at my trying to get that damn stroller open. Which I never did... I just started crying, pretended to the lastest batch of passer bys that I was just now ending shopping trip as I threw the thing back into my car.

Or the first trip to the grocery store alone. You can't push a stroller & a cart at the same time, so what the heck are you supposed to do with the baby while you shop? For the first couple of trips, I just put the entire car seat into the cart and only got the items I desperately needed... or that could fit around the baby. Bless the vetran mommy I saw one day that had the car seat in the actual basket of the cart, propped on the handle. It was genious.

Other lovely things to think about, taking baby's temperature. we all know how its done, practicing it still makes me flinch. And you have to do it. Or recently, the booger bulb. Dylan and I have our first cold together and our knight in shining armor has fled all the way to the West coast on business. Leaving us to battle this winter cold alone. Dylan hates the booger bulb, hates it. He cries up a storm, while snot bubbles form out his nose. My point of this entire exersice is to eliminate his discomfort, not give him a panic attack. But yet, I am forced to put him through this torture for his own good. Now I have a better understanding of all the times my parents said those exact words to me. Like Dylan, I didn't care then... but probably benefited greatly from those situations. And like me, I am sure my parents hated every second of my discomfort... well, depending on the specific torture. I don't think they shed any tears for those endless two weeks of being grounded for cheating on a test.

Sometimes I definitely feel like I am bumbling through being a mom. Everyone knows I am forgetful, ditsy & clumsy. I am sure there were 100s of moms sharing my personality traits who raised healthy, happy & successful children. I really am enjoying this journey, every day gets better and better. But every day I learn something new... like I shouldn't try to put the baby down into his play pen with toys in my hands as the toys just might slip out of my arms onto the top of my babies head. Luckily... the toys distract the child from their intial impact... but I don't get down on myself about it. My every second of every day is completely consumed with this baby... he fills me up from the inside out with a happiness that has forever changed me. I am calmer, more organized (well... for me) and less preoccupied with trivial things. I am all together the happiest I have ever been. And I know that this is a learning experience, day by day.

I think its important for all moms not to place pressure on themselves to be perfect. I can't help but laugh when I tell Dylan "no" and he laughes histerically at me. its his favorite new joke of mine. I know thats wrong, I know I should be stern and teach him I mean business. And I will... I do... but sometimes I can't help but be human, I mean its so cute. Sure, I accidently poured bath water in his mouth while I was washing his head... he coughed for a second and was fine. moms do things like this all the time, if you think you are the only one - you are way too hard on yourself. Maybe not everyone is candidly honest about it, and its possible I have more clumsy moments that most, but no mom is perfect. No mom has not made mistakes on a daily basis that is a less than shiny example of mother of the year. But I think being calm, letting the little mishaps roll of your back, helps you stay in a peaceful place. And when you are in a place of peace, your child is. Utlimately, isn't that all we really want for our kids? Peace of heart? Maybe its just me... but that is at the end of the day all that really matters. Just master the art of distraction and you will be just fine:)

A little TLC goes a long way...

I've always been characterized as a motherly person. I think this is why my husband actually fell in love with me in the first place - well maybe not all of the reason, but for sure a part of it. So when he gets sick, he expects the full on bell by his bedside, wait on me hand and foot nurse me back to health treatment. This isn't to say that when I am sick I don't get taken care of by him, but usually that is a defined task that I spell out for him and then he gets to go play or watch golf or football after his checklist is complete. Needless to say, my motherly self has always gone to the extreme to take care of my husband when he is sick, which isn't that often to be honest.




So this past weekend, Dylans first Halloween weekend, Jon decides that he is going to get sick. Maybe the sickest he's been in a long long time. At first, I can't help but to be annoyed with him. I know in my rational mind that he has no control over when he is going to get sick, nor would he choose to do so on our babies first halloween - never the less, I found myself irritated with the man. It didn't help matters that when he is sick, he is as irritable as any woman in the prime of her PMS state. So the first night, I send him to bed early, dump Nyquil down his throat and cross my fingers that its allergies or that he is all better by the morning. We after have a big weekend planned of hayrides, pumpkin patches & 7 year olds halloween bashes.

This one of those moments when you realize that an aspect of your "Pre- Baby" marriage and our "Post Baby" marriage has changed. There have been many of these moments since Dylan arrived and this is just another one, of course its only an observation. Nothing detremental to our relationship or future, just something you notice.

When I first realized he was sick my immediate thought was "he needs to go stay somewhere else, the baby can't get sick and lord knows I can't Be sick taking care of TWO sick babies... no no no no... he needs to go to Nana's for a few days." This opposed to my previous thinking that him being sick is the perfect opportunity for me to show my husband what a great wife I am and nurse my love back to health.

Meanwhile I am also thinking, my how so much can change in such a short amount of time. It was just two Halloween's ago we were hosting a fun Halloween bash at our house... the year before I was bar hopping as a Miller Lite girl. Now my Halloween is ruined because we can't go on a family hayride.


Long story short, we did not make any fall festivals, Dylan and I went to our halloween party solo and trick or treated to Nana's with my nephews instead of my husband. That night I got home and realized how much had changed in my mindset as a mom now. I had banised Jon to one single room, he was not allowed to touch the baby and I Lysolled behind every step he took. I walked through the door, with the cutest little pumpkin you'd ever seen and looked at Jon sitting on the couch, pitiful as ever and clearly bummed he had missed out on the plans.

When another moment of clarity hit me, I had neglected my husband and opted to totally focus on the baby instead. Which at first seemed to be the obvious choice, but now looking at him I realized it was not the best one I could have made. As a mother & wife, I had lost the balance and went totally to the mother side forgetting that I am a wife too. So I put the baby in his walker, went to the store, stocked up on 10 different medicines & vitamins, picked up his favorite dinner & also some candy to cheer him up (as this is what Nana used to do when he was sick in her care.) For the next two days I found my balance again. Bringing him his medicine, making sure he drank his juice - all the while still Lysolling and keeping the baby at a safe distance. In less than 24hours he was healed - all better. I think it wasn't as much the nose spray, theraflu, zinc or the tissues, as it was I was paying attention to him again... giving him the TLC that he needed to heal ;)

Life is a series of trial and error. Admitting when you are wrong, correcting your mistake and learning for the future. I have learned from this past weekend that it can't be all about being a mom and thats it - I think that line of thinking puts you in the danger zone a bit. You have to balance being a wife, friend, sister, daughter.... yourself... all of these things. I also realized that being a mother is just part of raising a child and having a family, its a partnership - you have to remember that your husband is your partner. That we still must take care of each other and put each other first, even though we went from married to married with child - we are still each others' priority. Its easy to say, not so easy to practice.

While we missed all the plans we had made for the perfect first halloween, it ended up being an important milestone for me. It also was a great reminder that plans can change and its ok, and that I probably could stand to lighten up a little bit when it comes to keeping germs away. The kid is going to be sick... I just need to have a healthy daddy to help take care of him. Otherwise I'll be taking care of two sick babies and just might have to send myself to Nana's for a few days.



And still, he mustered up enough strength to put on a thrown together hippie wig for a photo opp with the family. I'm a lucky girl...

you know you are a mommy when....

1. you deem it to be ok to go into public wearing if there is only one puke stain on your shirt
2. your purse is actually a diaper bag
3. instead of wishing for a shoes from saks for xmas you now are keeping your fingers crossed for the jogging stroller with a mps3 player
4. elmo is your new best friend.
5. you feel really accomplished if you are able to shower, blow dry your hair, put on make up and even put together an outfit before 5pm. or at all. or even one of those things.
6. you have a whole new understanding and respect for "mom jeans"
7. there are multiple people in your life who ask you how many times the baby pooped today... and are genuinely interested in the answer.
8. you've even uttered the sentence "I think i may just wear maternity clothes from here on out." or "i just wish my stomach would stick out further than my boobs"
9. a "great find" has gone from antique jewelry at the flee market to babysitters with college degrees & a car!
10. date night is literally just dinner, glass of wine & rushing through desert to make it home before babysitter starts charging overtime... instead of dinner, bottle of wine, drinks at a nearby bar & then late night dance party at the house.
11. you have mastered the art of doing dishes, laundry, vacuming, eating, making coffee, getting dressed, making a bottle and cooking - all with one arm.
12. you consider your house clean if there are only a few dishes in the sink, half the toys are put up & the laundry room door is closed.
13. you are grumpy all day if oprah didn't record.
14. the scene from sex and the city where miranda gets poop on her forehead isn't as funny as it used to be.
15. you find yourself suddenly listening to your mother on a regular basis.
16. deciding between eating or sleeping is actually a difficult decision.
17. you don't even register the sound of crying babies in public anymore, as long as its not yours you are all good.
18. every decision you make throughout your day completely revolves around someone elses nap schedule.
19. you could teach lessons on how to "happily fight" with your husband...ie...telling him exactly how angry you are that he forgot mothers day with a smile on your face. (and yes he did...)
20. you find yourself commenting on how the teenager girls today are wearing their skirts too short or playing music so loud in their car they could wake the baby when they drive by.

and you are completely happy about every bit of it.... well except for the mothers day thing... i was pretty pissed about that. i mean just because your bday and mothers day fall within 3 wks of each other does not make it a combo holiday!

;)

Finding in Peace

I have a quote on my refridgerator that I love... "Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart."

I remember when and why I bought this magnet. I was in the Fresh Market (because I could afford to shop there at the time) after a long day at work and it just resignated with me so deeply. You see, I was in a job at the time that I was really successful at and had great potential to continue to see success - but I didn't feel peace in my heart. And when you are in a situation like that, where all signs point to stupidity if you give it up - but in your heart you are troubled at the thought - its difficult to feel at peace. This is life's journey afterall, finding peace, finding happiness - chasing dreams. But I didn't want to constantly be in a race for those things, I wanted to actually make the decisions and do the things that helped me actually reach them.

When you aren't happy because of some thing - whatever it is, you hate your boyfriend, your job, you are lonely - usually the cure is clear cut - its just never simple. Its the fear of taking that step, the "road less followed", that keeps us constantly dreaming of something better - instead of being there. Which always seemed so crazy to me, but still I got up every day and played a part of a worker bee going through the motions towards a successful career.

This isnt' to say I didn't find happiness at times, or feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of hard day - even if it was a bad day. My philosphy on everything is that if you are going to be there anyway - you might as well give it your all. So I'd say 94% of the time, I did exactly that. I looked at any given moment throughout the day as an opportunity to succeed, to take on whatever it was with passion, pride & drive. I think anyone who commits themselves to what they are doing in that way a destined to do well. This also means putting on blinders to the crap though and I think for me, it got to a point where it felt like the crap was splashing in my face and I just didn't want to stink all the time.

Really, truth be told, I am not meant to be a corporate office person. I am a creative person, I paint, I am a photographer, I write, I want to change the world with one really insightful sentence or beautiful picture. I feel like my purpose is to make a difference in some positive way, I still don't exactly know what that will be - but I do know becoming a mother is my first step in that direction.

Thats what did it for me, thats when all the pieces fell in front of me and it was like fate was saying "here's your chance". I think we all have that moment, a fork in the road where we have a chance to make a choice that will change to course of our lives for... well a while. Maybe not forever because I don't think anything is that permanent. But you have a single moment when it becomes clear that you can either choose what your heart is telling you to do or you can go with the responsible thing your head is telling you to do. Most of the time its either or too, because heart and mind rarely are in sync I've found. Luckily, in my life at this particular moment I could choose to go with my heart - for me if I chose the responsible thing, it would almost be selfish in a materialistic way. Because I chose to be a working mother I would resent my days because I wouldn't be true to myself and I'd only be doing that so I could buy great shoes or shop at pottery barn - things that I like - but not things that I need.

Gosh and that decision really threw me. For months I struggled with identify. I had no idea who I was anymore. For the last six years I worked. First I was this Marketing Manager for a really cool promotion job and after that I was a corportate career woman. Now here I am barely leaving my house or taking a shower watching TLC all day. Is this the life I chose? Really? If this is that greener side of life, then I guess life just is kinda dull.

I think I thought life was out to get me in a sense. There were so many joyful things in my life and its like I could see what those things were, but they were in black and white. A dull noise in the background of my thoughts. I was focusing on the sad things and having to remind myself to look at the good things. It wasn't great timing to be post pardum and loose one of your best friends either. I think that I will probably write a blog soon totally about PPD but for the purpose of this one - I could not stop thinking about my friend. I was sad, I was really sad and I had to glaze over that saddness because I was also a new mom and supposed to be glowlingly happy. And I was... most of the time... but when you can't be sad and you are sad, its diffifult to be truly happy. That's when the nightmares started. And even though I was sleeping little, I didn't want to sleep at all. Until one night I finally slept, and I had a dream. Not a nightmare, but a dream. Long dream short, it was of a happy Amanda, who didn't have cancer and wasn't in physical or emotional pain. She was smiling and I can remember her opening a door, she was dresses as a ladybug I want to say (one of those cute little ladybug halloween outfits) and there was a party wherever she was. She gave me a hug and I started to walk in the door and she shook her head, winked and closed the door. From behind the glass she pointed for me to turn around and smiled. To me it was her way of saying, I'm happy, your are invited to this party but not for a while and in the meantime go live your freakin life. If you are reading this and you ever even met Amanda, this makes total sense... even the ladybug costume. And if you know me at all you know that I am a strong believer that we leave our bodies behind, but our souls live on... and that I think we can connect with them through dreams & electricity (also probably another blog;)...

Then it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I was a whiney little brat. "The world owes me, happiness will never find me, I have people I love in my life - but not a life I love." Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!

We get to decide our lives - its true. That means we get to decide what makes us happy and then we have the choice to actually do those things or just be sad we don't do them. I knew during those working years and first few months that painting makes me happy. Writing makes me happy. Photography makes me happy. Spending time with my family makes me happy. Spending time with good friends, makes me happy. Working out sucks, but it makes me happy. Cleaning sucks, but a clean house makes me happy....

Ok so how stupid are you when you spell it out in front of you, all the things that make you happy, and you just sit back and whine because you aren't happy. Pretty freakin stupid. Get up! Go to the gym! Pick up your camera! Paint some freakin mountains! Seriously...

The other day, I was sitting on a blanket in the front yard with the baby. It was a beautiful day and we just sat there watching cars drive by. For maybe an hour. There was a time where instead of doing that, I would be in a cubicle getting screamed at by some jerk who was mad because I spelled his name wrong. And there was a time not long ago where I'd be sitting inside with the shades closed not even realizing the beautiful day I was missing. But not now, now I am totally at peace - no tv, no phone, no computer - sitting on a blanket watching cars drive by.

My point is when we find ourselves constantly searching for this unobtainable happiness, we need to really sit in a quiet place - nothing but you and maybe a pen and paper (not your blackberry or lap top) but just you and a journal. You know the answer, you know the things that make you happy. Write them down. I promise once you think of one thing, you'll think of another.

In the midst of my, what I now realize was post pardum depression, Jon and I got into a HUGE fight. HUGE. I was whining on about how unhappy I was, which to him was very hard to hear because of the fact... #1 I think he is the happiest he's ever been and #2 he felt like a failure as a husband if his wife is so unhappy... so we were fighting. He asked me..."What do you like then Betsy, what things do you enjoy to do" --- this set me off. I was so mad at him. I screamed yelled, it was a big fight. But really, looking back, I wasn't mad at him at all. I was mad at the mirror he held up to my face, because I had been asking myself that for so long. And I knew the answers, but somehow my heart could not connect to my head. It took me banishing my cell phone (many of you remember this month)... banishing my computer, sitting alone, sitting quiet and asking myself what I liked. Sometimes its thouse simple questions that really throw you.

As women, as mothers, as daughters, as friends, wives, girlfriends, whatever--- we tend to loose ourselves in the mix. Its our blessing and our curse. But ever now and then you have to stop and remember who you are. Even if it means including it on your to do list. But you have to do it. Because I've learned in life that happiness comes and goes with lifes changes.




Once you think you are good, happy and you are there - some curve ball comes around and throws you back onto your unhappy ass and you become a whiney baby again. Which is ok and I think needs to happen so you can refresh your happy to do list. Remind yourself what it is that makes you happy and remind yourself to DO THEM. Oh, you like to read... maybe you should by a book dummy! You are depressed because your house is never clean, lets go grab the broom. Because happiness doesnt just fall in your lap... it takes identifying the things that make you happy and then CHOOSING the corresponding action. Afterall, that to me is the secret to happiness, to life.... making the actual choice to be happy and to live.

I think once you make that choice, you find peace with the world and with yourself. Just like Carrie Bradshaw (yep quoting S & the C) says - the most important relastionship in this world is the one you have with yourself. You have to make that relationship work first and I think once you do all the others in your life will be the best they are meant to be. And living can be sitting at home on a Saturday night, reading a book and enjoying yourself 100x more than being at some party or drunk as a skunk. It all starts with being true to you.

Wow... feeling philosophical today I guess:) ok back to wiping a poopy butt:)

Going First

No one ever really wants to go first. In my case and my circle, I have been close to the front for all of lifes big changes. Mainly, getting married and having a baby.

I think it takes a great maturity to be the first of your friends to make these big leaps. Not the actual act of getting married, or having a baby, anyone can do those things mature or not (whether or not you can do them well is another blog) but it takes maturity to be first because the culture of your life changes so dramatically. When your life changes in significant ways, in ways that your friends around you can't possibly understand, you begin to see your friends drift away. They don't know they are doing it, but they drift away because they don't understand.

Let me paint a picture for you... lets say you are sitting around your house and you decide that you need to run to the store:

When you don't have a child: put on shoes, grab keys & purse... walk out the door that instant.

With a child: Wait for baby to wake up from nap, change baby diaper, feed baby, make sure baby has clean warm clothes, pack diaper bag, double check diaper bag, grab shoes, keys wallet, take purse and bag out to car, come back and load baby into car seat, go back to car and load baby into car... and after at least 2 hrs you are on your way! And I must mention here that us mothers have mastered the art of speed shopping. Gone are the days of leisurely shopping in any sense of the word, under any cirucumstance. So friends without children, please enjoy your next shopping trip and think of me and appreciate that moment of trying on the same two dresses 4 times before you make a decision.

So when I get a call from a friend asking if I want to go to dinner, or meet at the mall or meet for lunch.... and I say I can't go but have no real excuse, its because my excuse is that I'm a mom and you aren't and so you dont' understand why its impossible for me to meet you. Its different when I interact with my few other mom friends. We plan to meet weeks in advance so that we can start baby on nap schedule that will be condusive for this plan, and also have a mutal understand that these plans will change multiple times before they actually happen - if they actually happen.

You see there is no way to explain to my childless friends what it is like. Why my life is different, why they see less of me, why they hear less of me. Its impossible to assure them that I love them as much, still think of them as much and am still their friend from a distance. That if you need me for anything, I will be there - it just will surely take me longer to get there.

I think whats interesting is that I don't get bothered or upset when my friends get bothered or upset with me. I can think of a time that I had planned to meet a friend for lunch and literally 10 mins before we were supposed to be there I called frantic and said it wasn't going to happen. Dylan was fussing, I mean screaming his blue face not going to breath scream, and I was a wreck. I was dressed, dressed baby and hungry. I was looking forward to being in public, looking presentable & having a real conversation with a dear friend. But it wasn't going to happen. I guess I didn't want to admit it to myself until the situation took over and I didn't have a choice.

I cancelled, she was almost there. She was pissed. Understandably, well understandably to a non mother.

I know that one day, she will look back on this day (if not by her own accord, I will remind her) and feel bad for being mad at me. She will understand and it will probably be after a similar situation happens to her. These situations are inevitable as a mother. We are frantic a lot of the time and still try to push through to keep a normal life. But most of the time our choices are stay home or stay home. Because being a mom means that you make choices based on what is best for your baby 100% of the time and you don't make any excuses for those choices.

So to all my friends who read this and think I am talking about you specifically, I'm not, all of my childless friends either give me shit directly or I can sense it. There are only a few enlightened friends who don't have kids that I feel understand my situation ahead of their time, and they are usually the ones that want to have kids soon. I can see them soaking up my life in bright eyed curiousity and I love them for that.

While I understand that they don't understand and while I don't hold it against them, there are some friendships that I know are going to end. These are the ones that expect the same from me and get upset without any appreciation for the things I have done. There aren't many of these friends in my life (thank god) for the most part there is at least a level of understanding from most of them. This tells me I've done a pretty good job at picking my friends and I know soon enough we will all be back on the same playing field so I can overlook the small misunderstandings. But there are a few that have shown me their true light and true place in my life. One day they will turn to me for advice or for a face that understands and most likely for them I won't be there. I give lots of chances to friends, but at the same time I have decided to be the friend to people they are to me. I have enough good friends in my life that I really don't need to spend time appeasing the bad ones... I'm a little too busy for that these days.

All of us that are going to have children some day are on the same journey. Same path and are spiritually connected. If you watch Real Housewives there is this new housewife, Kelsey Grammers wife, who has 4 nannies for 2 children and used a surrogate for both of them. This woman is not a mother. If you don't understand why, its likely that you haven't gone through the process of being pregnant and spent months awake with a baby. But probably one day you will, and that day you will understand why I couldn't meet you for drinks or it was so difficult for me to spend the weekend away from my baby (and what it actually meant that I did) and why Kelsey Grammers wife is not a mother.

changing lanes....

2010 = 9 weddings, 5 babies & 2 funerals




this is such an exciting time in my life. the past year has been filled with weddings, babies , with a few magic moments sprinkled in. amongst the good therehas been rough spots, namely saying goodbye to a friend who is too full of life to actually believe she's not living today. a struggle that sadly from experience i know will not be easily overcome. funny how saying good bye and letting go teaches us so much about ourselves. its never been easy for me, but then again who is it ever easy for.

becoming a mom its like all the sudden you look up and its a new world. i realize this will now be the 3rd wizard of oz reference in this blog, but its as if stepping into motherhood is like everything all the sudden is in color. the world is just buzzing about you and everything else is secondary. it makes me feel closer to my mother actually because i understand so much more about her, just because i understand what being a mother means. we are in the same sisterhood now.


i have a few months ahead of me (and a few past) that are literally stuffed with weddings. happy times. i am excited to see my friends start the journey i have been on for three years now. i know that they are about to enter into something they never dreamed of. if they picked the right person, which i believe the majority has, they are about to find a best friend, human security blanket and an extension of themselves. a person that tells you like it is, checks you when you need it and is the start and end to your day. as long as it starts with that person & ends with that person - everything else is just details. like the wedding itself... nothing but a detail. still... those days are such powerful days of joy and i find myself crying even more out of happiness, just because I realize more and more how special and wonderful it is to cry tears of joy.

i guess that is what this blog is about. priorities. i think its important to put your spouse first. i think if you focus on keeping that relationship in tact the rest will just fall into place, where things should be. children, next or even. its hard to convince myself that my child is not first, because really he is. for both of us though, but you hear the key to a happy child is happy parents so we make our marriage a priority. family... my mom, dad, sister, nephews... and so on. some of my family are lifetime friends that i consider so much of my existence that they are truly family. and then... friends. friends though, are last in line. i love my friends and believe that we need them, but not at the expense of those priorities before them. and i think thats what growing up is. new priorities. more meaningful priorities. i am not saying friendships aren't meaningful. i have just become aware though that some friendships are one sided, some are just for show, some just honestly suck the life out of you. those are the ones i don't have time for anymore.

when you become a mom, so many other aspects of life are changed - but one thing that i think stands out the most is that life speeds up. it goes from 60 to 120 in the blink of an eye and anytime you spend on something that is not true and soul enriching is wasted. wasted time away from my husband, my baby, my family... and trust me i'd rather be throwing a bday party for my dog than working to maintain a frienship that doesn't enhance my life. that being said, i do believe its important to make time for the friends that do, but i am finding out that quality vs quanity when it comes to friends is the key.

the past several months life has been thrown in my face. i've really been through so many ups and downs, so many events have taken place that have forced me into reflection. i think i've learned; moments should never be taken for granted. you should be as much in the moment as you possibly can... put down the facebook, text messages & ipads - those are nothing but meaningless distractions from real life. i've learned that love has a depth that i never ever imagined. asleep is so better than drunk. happiness isn't a right, its a choice. your relationship with yourself is just as important as your relationship with others. place emphasis on planning special days with loved ones. i've learned that facing fear is difficult, but worth it. its ok to be sad and happy at the same time. the only way to really reach your dreams is to realize them and go for it. nothing will fall in your lap. i think every experience in life is an opportunity to grow and become a better person, but only if you let it. keep your eyes open for inspiration, even in lady bugs.

changing lanes. its not an instant change and in certain ways it is an instinctive one, but i now realize that it also must be a purposeful one. defining who and what means the most to you, who and what enrich your life and by extension the life of your child and once those things are aligned - then you are just that one step closer to peace. life is short, and even shorter when you become a parent, it doesn't have to be busy and filled with something to do everyday. i've seen that the best days are the days that are filled with grocery store trips, evening walks & coffee in the morning. really, i don't think it gets better than that.....

the healthy happy baby & the mom that keeps him that way

Moms today are living in a scary world. Everything should be organic, germs are everywhere so you shouldn't bring your baby in public, don't use products with bpa, don't use bath products - basically the world is out to get us and our babies.

Now ok, I am not going to sit here and say that I won't make every possible effort to keep my baby safe. Not being a scientist, I can't make a true educated statement about what chemicals, in which products, are harmful and why. If you research about BPA and toxic chemicals in baby products, you will discover that studies are being conducted regarding the harmful side effects. i've done a little bit myself on chemicals in bath products and BPA, if you are as confused as me as to what the issues are with these products here is a brief summary and I have links for you to read too. Starting with BPA....

BPA is a chemical used to make plastic, in 2008 studies began to surface that it could have negative side effects to your health. A 2010 report from the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) raised further concerns regarding exposure of fetuses, infants, and young children. These side effects include increased chance of obesity, neurological issues, thyroid issues, MAY increase cancer risk. The Wikapedia article is extremely informative on this topic: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisphenol_A

Now as far as chemicals used in personal care products. What I have found is that these are used in everyday products not only the baby uses, but that we use as well. Items you find in your bathroom such as toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, mouthwash, soaps, etc. The scare is basically that we don't know the side effects of them because the FDA does not regulate the actual chemicals used. Here is a nice and scary article that will make you want to go to your bathroom and toss everything:
http://antiagingchoices.com/harmful_ingredients/toxic_ingredients.htm

Alright, so really all I have done is google BPA and toxins in personal care products. I am still not a Chemist, Scientist, Doctor or anything close to any of those. Just a mom who can google. And lets face it, the internet is no Harvard University or Duke Medical Center. Not to mention, I was raised eating prepacked baby food, in containers with BPA and using bubble bath with J&J shampoo. I'm still kickin right? But with time we as a society advance scientifically and medically, so should these studies and concerns just be chalked up to part of the "Go Green" fad?

Well... here's what I think. I think probably there is merit to these studies, probably. Do I think becaucse I have already fed my baby out of a baby food container that I have discovered had BPA in it that he is doomed to a cancer diagnosis? No, I don't. BUT... now that I have educated myself to a degree on these things, what harm could come from playing it safe? Instead of grabbing one item off a shelf, I grab another one. Burts Bees instead of J&J... maybe $1 more, but its worth it - even if its only to make me feel better.

There are studies now that show processed foods have been THE CAUSE of childhood obesity and POSSIBLY are the reason we have seen such an increase in children with autism. If I as a mother am doing what I can do educate myself and make healthy choices for my child, then I can go to sleep at night feeling like a good mom. Thats what we all strive for right? To be a good mom and have healthy children.

On top of these scare studies driving me to shop smarter for my child, isn't there a special charm about living off what the earth has provided us? I realize how hippy this sounds, but I'm ok with that. There is no question of where it came from, or what scary chemicals are in it when you are eating an apple you picked yourself. Unless of course you picked that apple from the tree in wizard of oz... in which case ok I see your point.



Buying produce from the farmers market is so rewarding in so many ways. Its a wonderful atmosphere and just the trip there makes for such a special day. A peaceful happy scene filled with smiling country bumpkins and grandmas homemade blueberry jam. Not to mention, my baby really truly enjoys it there. He is competely mezmorised by all the colors and people, and he leaves totally worn out... naptime after the farmers market is priceless really. You get in the car to go home and there is this feeling of satisfaction that you have wonderful fresh produce (and when its fresh there is no debating it tastes better), have supported your local economy & guess what - toxin free!

When I have the time, I do make lots and lots of baby food for my little guy. Sweet Potatos, Pears, Apples, Squash - and its clear he likes that food better than the store bought kind. He has no concept of organic, clearly it tastes better - maybe its because its fresh, maybe because its made with love, but who cares - it makes him happy which makes me happy. (pat pat pat)

So ok, I'm convinced. I'm going to go online and place a bulk berts order today. I'm going to make baby food when I can and when I can't I'm going to buy organic BPA free. What I am not going to do is become one of those fear driven moms that won't let my child near a state fair or shampoo bottle. I won't drive my friends and family insane by insisting they convert to this lifestyle or forbid my child to eat mac and cheese from a box while at their house. The purpose of this change is to make me feel like I am doing what I can to make the best possible life for my child. To give him the best possible chance to be happy and healthy. Once you start drawing a line in the sand - it pushes people away and it instills fear in your child. This isn't a big bad scary world, and if you as the mother think that it is - your child will too. We don't want... or at least I don't want... our children growing up fearing McDonalds or never knowing the joys of lucky charms or bubble gum.


Moms, the world is not out to get us. Its ok to eat a apple straight off the tree without washing your hands first. Its ok if you already bathed your baby in bubble bath without checking the label... relax - be happy - thats the entire point of it all. Please don't add stress to your life by fearing shampoo... but I wouldn't recommend turning a blind eye either. Finding that balance can be tricky... but that is what you have to do - that is what will help you sleep at night.


Some info for you:

Commercially Prepared Baby Food in BPA-free Containers

■Sprout Baby (brand new – just announced by Healthy Child 2/3/09)
■Yummy Spoonfuls
■Happy Baby
■Plum Organics
■Homemade Baby
■Tasty Baby
■Fifi Bear’s
■Maddy’s Organic Meals
■Parent’s Choice (they don’t make baby food in glass jars)
■Gerber (all baby food products except glass baby food jars are BPA-free)
■Beechnut (plastic containers used for juices, Stage 2 fruits, Good Morning, Good Evening and DHA plus+ juices are BPA-free; glass baby food jars do contain BPA)
Baby Food Containers using BPA

■Earth’s Best (they told us that BPA is used in minute amounts in the glass jar lids, but that independent testing showed no BPA contamination in the baby food. Use your own discretion here)
■Beechnut (they told us that their glass baby food jars contain trace amounts of BPA)
■Gerber (glass baby food jars only)
■Nature’s Goodness

websites;

http://www.thenaturalstore.com/search/search.asp?searchtype=1&ipp=20&srchtree=5&search=baby+bee&aid=338565&aparam=burts_bees_baby&scinit1=burts_bees_baby

http://www.lesstoxicguide.ca/index.asp?fetch=babycare

http://thesoftlandingbaby.com/2009/02/02/which-prepared-baby-food-containers-are-bpa-free/

http://www.thesoftlanding.com/

the new me

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” - Rajneesh


Everything I do now is rushed. E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. I do not remember the last time I casually strolled through the grocery store, or took a long relaxing shower. Even when I am lucky enough to have a sitter, there is a deadline of how long I am baby free. With so many things that need to be done baby free and so little time to do them, I rush through it all when I have precious hours of someone watching him. I know that should I call my mom, or nana, to ask for an extra hour when time has gotten away from me, they will gladly give it to me. I still rush through the cleaning, rush through the shower, rush through grocery store, whatever it is, I am usually rushing. This is drastically different from before I was a mommy. I have never been a rusher.

You think about becoming a mom and you know that once the baby comes, life will be different. You expect to adapt to the change and still be the same old person you always have been. Over and over again you hear about how you never realized how happy you could be until you become a parent. That once you have a child you'll wonder why you waited so long. I think I expected that change to be instant. But honestly for me it wasn't.

The first four months have been a complete blur of learning experiences. Learning how to change diapers at record speed, how to get your baby to stop crying, how to give your baby a bath or get him dressed. Learning what he likes and doesn't like, educating yourself on all the latest "baby should do's" and the "baby never do's". I've enthralled myself so completely in how to be a good mom and all that is Dylan - that I only recently have reflected on how I've changed. All the ways this experience has made me a new person.

I can walk by a woman in the grocery store and tell just by looking at her if she is a mom. I think there is a different look in a mothers eye, a different manner about her where its transparent to other moms. Its especially easy to spot when you are in line with a full cart and a screaming baby... the sisterhood of mothers is a secret blessing among us. Even if its just a knowing glance of "i've been there, and its ok" - it makes all the difference in the world. But the point is that once you become a mom, you really are elevated to a new level of existence that only other mothers understand. I don't think father share this same level of being. I grew up with the best daddy in the world and my husband blows me away at how wonderful of a father he is, but there is this deeper, undescribable level of love when you are a mother. I truly isn't something I can put into words, but I guess as mom your children are extentions of you. Like your arm or your foot just detached from your body and are walking around as individuals. So if someone stepped on your detached foot you'd feel it just as strongly as if it were still connected to your leg. I am not sure fathers share that type of connection, or even quite understand it. The only other people in the world that can possibly understand what I mean, are other mothers.

Like I said though, I have only started to recognize this change just recently. Its in moments, pieces of your day that you put together over time and realize all of the sudden - omg, I am not the same person. For example, I have always been conscious of my looks. Its kind of a joke with my friends if I walk by a mirror or a building with reflective windows, I can't help but check myself out. Does my hair look like it did before I left the house? Does this outfit still make me look skinny? Do my shoes really match this shirt? I don't remember the moment that I stopped looking, that I stopped caring as much. I had seen Oprah episodes where moms lost their looks and all got makeovers and I distinctly remember thinking that would NEVER happen to me. Ever. And then just as distinctly I remember the dreaded moment, about 2 months after Dylan was born, that I caught a glipse of myself in the mirror and was horrified.

My blonde highlights were faded so bad that my hair just looked dirty, the roots were so bad and I couldn't remember the last time I had gotten them done. Counting back I almost started to cry when I realized it was early Feb the last hair appointment I had and here it was almost the end of May. How was it possible that I hadn't even thought about my hair in that long. My eyes lowered to my body, something that I purposely had not allowed myself to do but once - and at the time I was on hydrocodine so it didn't hit me as hard as it did now. I was wearing one of Jons t-shirts and it was tight on me, so I could see the outline of my saggy boobs and lumpy budda belly. That may sound harsh to say about my own body, but it is what it is. I was only 2 months post pregnancy, so this was to be expected, but not at all any easier to deal with. And I drifted back up to my face. My pale make up-less face with dark circles under my eyes. That person, was not me. Both because of my physical body, but more so for the fact that it had taken this long for me to care!

Nothing matters as much as it did before. The things that seemed so important or bothered me endlessly, just don't phase me anymore. Like if a friend is upset with me for canceling a dinner, or who is dating who, who is cheating on who... all that gossipy stuff... don't hold my attention at all. I think there is divided line among us "those who have children" and "those who don't" and I don't think its just because of the actual children, but because of the people we become once we have them.


Life is more precious now and seems like its sped up. Family, which has always been important, is now THE most important thing. Nothing or no-one holds a candle to my family. Its a new world, the one with Dylan in it. I have a new life that started the second I laid eyes on him. I look back on just months before he was born and think of those times as my distant past. Even just a year ago seems like a lifetime ago. But I like this new me, I like her a lot and I owe it all to my little detached foot.

•“Making the decision to become a mother - It's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”- Elizabeth Stone